Pics!!

Guillaume Apollinaire:
"Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them and they flew.”

I Finally Figured Out How to Post Pics!!!

I had one of those days when I just couldn't keep the happiness inside of me. I

felt absolutely exuberant. I finished writing my Rotary speech which I have to deliver on the 14th, painted a really fun picture in art class, and understood multiple conversations between my friends, without having to stop them and ask them to slow down or explain something to me. I'm completely in love with understanding. Oh, and I randomly found this button that says "upload pictures" above the text box. Hehe, I feel a little silly that I've missed it this whole time. Well, it's late so I didn't spend much time digging through my archives. Here are some starter pictures to hold you until I have time and patience to upload better, more intersting ones. THe one on the right is me with my first host family and two random little girls in front at the Rotary Christmas Party. I just noticed the guy in the background is my last host father, in May or June. The picture on the right is me at my ikkyu test with my translator and kendo Sensei. Nakai, Sakai, and Heather. Completely fitting, I thought. That picture is truly worth a thousand words.

I had a lot of fun last night. Maybe more fun than I should have had.

Just a little tired...

Kendo has been pretty dominating these past few days. For one, I've been learning a lot lately and am really excited to be there. Especially because I had to write that darn diary entry, I've been thinking about it more than before. I wish I could have written better. I heard through the grapevine that Sensei wants me to write more regularly to practice my Japanese. I'm happy that I'll get another chance to redo the poor job I did with the last entry, but anxious about having to write in Japanese again. I shouldn't let it be stressful.

I really miss the peace of mind of karate. Whenever things get rough or I feel the need for familiarity, I imagine myself at karate or run through katas in my head. Nothing's changed at all. Except then I realize that I'm not going anytime soon and a little tiny sinking feeling becomes apparent.

Anyways, I'm as excited as ever about kendo. I think my first shiai (competition) is coming up soon. I'm not sure yet and I don't know if I'll be able to participate, but I should be shodan by then, so who knows. I think Sakai Sensei will want me to participate if he can help it.

Today was fairly ho-hum. This whole week the first year students have been on their skiing trip and I've been left alone, many of my classes cancelled for lack of students. So I've been spending just about every day this week in the teacher's room, pouring silently over my textbook, trying desperately to absorb Japanese. So far, no luck.

Actually, Japanese has also been going well. It's so exciting! When I grow up I want to be a professional learner. I've also become really aware of how little I know of Japanese. As long as I take it one step at a time, I almost always feel successful and excited about my progress. When it hits me just how little I know and how far I have to go, I become discouraged and disappointed. But that's just not a productive thought to have, so why bother with it? I try not to.

Not much else is going on. Disney Land is still scheduled to be soon, but I still don't know when. My real mom officially purchased tickets to come visit in March, which I'm excited about. I have the Rotary speech coming up and will spend this weekend laboring over it. I hope it goes well. Life is good.

More Kendo Thoughts

After laboring for hours last night, I finally got the diary entry written. I don't remember the last time I worked so hard or long on such a short amount of writing. Here is how it translates, only maybe this makes a little more sense than it does in Japanese:
This week, only the 11th graders where at at practice, so it's been run a little different from usual. This month, I've learned a lot. Kendo has taught me a lot about Japanese culture. Everyone works really hard all the time. Sunday is the only break. I was really suprised to learn this! The most difficult thing for me is distance. In karate, being close is better for people my size, so I'm nervous when I'm far away from my opponent. I haven't learned how to use the shinai at such close distances, so I always hit with the wrong part. Also, I don't understand the shiai practice we do everyday. In karate, we use two hands and two feet, but kendo just uses one shinai. That also makes me nervous. As expected, Japanese is also difficult. Everyone speaks to me slowly, but sometimes I can't understand. When I don't understand, it makes my heart tired. I'm especially disappointed because I can't understand Sensei's Japanese at the end of class. Darn. I want to understand. Explanations are important, but everyday, I don't understand.
Please tell my how to say this in better Japanese.

You know. Not terrible. Not anything I'm really proud of. I wish I could have written something really thought provoking, beautiful, and skilled, but this is the best I could do. I had a lot more I wanted to say and on many occasions, I started to explain something and then gave up and changed directions. That was frustrating. Additional thoughts that I really wanted to share but obviously didn't:

I've really been excited about kendo lately. Incredibly excited. Every day is jam-packed with material. I've learned that I really am stuck with martial arts. It's become such a part of me that I don't even know how to live without it. While kendo is augmenting my martial arts for sure, I really miss karate. I'm not sure how I'm going to do next year when I don't have any cool Japanese dojos and no White Eagle to study at, but there's no doubt in my mind that I'll stick with martial arts for quite a while. I want to talk about it with someone who is interested in martial arts. Anyone out there?

Christmas AGAIN!

I had Christmas again yesterday, when I got a stocking in the mail from my mother. Woo! It was the most fantastic present I could have ever hoped to recieve. It had candy canes and hershey kisses and a bunch of really great jewlery and all sorts of neat stuff. I brought the candy canes to kendo today and gave them to all my friends. That was nice.

I had a good practice today. My shodan test is coming up really soon. On March 4th, if all goes according to plan. It will include that drat written test. I mentioned to Sakai Sensei that I don't know Japanese, but he just said (in English) "Don't mind," and that's the last I heard of it. Lately, I've been feeling really great about kendo. Really excited. I've been learning a lot these past few weeks. This week the ichi nen ses are gone on a ski trip, so it's just us 11th graders. Today there were five kids and Sensei, but it was pretty great despite the lack of people. After explaining something, my Sensei actually looked at me and asked me if I understood. That was nice. I think because there were less people, he felt like he could take time to explain things to me. Can you believe I've been sucked in? I was so determined to remain true to "my" art and not let kendo take over. But actually, it seems like it's all one and the same.

Anyways, the real reason I'm writing this is because I was given the kendo diary again today. Last time I felt okay just writing whatever on account of being the dumb foreigner, but this time I know enough Japanese to write something. So I ought to stop procrastinating and write. Only what? Doshio! If I ever get it written, I'll post it in English for you.

Okay, I'm off.

Awwww!

I have to tell you the most amazing, adorable story I've ever heard. The subject of my host parent's relationship came up and Otoosan (Dad) told me that he's been in love with Okaasan (Mom) for a very long time. I asked how long and he told me that he wanted to marry her in high school, where they had met and were classmates since the age of 17. They showed me pictures of dates they went on as children. He told me how cute she was back when they were little and how completely in love they were. And then he gave me his goofy, sweet grin and told me nothing's changed a bit. I can't believe how adorable that is. I kept laughing and saying "Kawaaaaii!!" (Cuuute!) which they thought was a funny reaction. I can see it now too. I understand completely that they're still in love, just by watching them interact. They're so different that I'd have never have put them together theoretically. She's a line and he's a squiggle, and I mean that in the most respectful way possible. He comes up with briallant, fun, and creative ideas, and she puts them into practical use. He says outlandish, somewhat impulsive things like "I think I'd like to eat there tomorrow," (referring to a restaurant on the television) "We can't. It cost way too much money and the food is the same as what we could get here, or down the streets. But I can try and make that if you want, or we coudl go to the other one dow the street. Or you can wait a few weeks until payday and we can go then." It's so beautiful. She laughed when she showed me pictures of their first dates and told me she didn't remember getting old. She said because they saw each other every day, she never noticed that they weren't as young and charming as they used to be. It's absolutely beautiful. I hope I have a relationship just like their's when I grow up.

Nihongo

I called my mom today, even though it's against my rules to call her on weekdays. I didn't call her because I was homesick or angry or sad. I just like talking to her. It's not even easier to talk to her than it is to talk to my Japanese friends. English is more frustrating than it ever was. I can write with ease, though I know my writing is littered with grammatical, spelling, and err, structural mistakes that I never used to have problems with. But at least it's usually clear and fluent enough. Whenever I talk these days, it's almost always haltingly. I think I need speech classes. I'm probably actually clearer in Japanese. Not clearer, but more fluid. I'm going to miss particles when I go home at the end of this year. They're so logical and simple. Well, usually simple. And very clear, so there's no doubt about the meaning. It's going to be wierd having to add subjects and all that stuff when I go back to using english regularly. In English, I might say "Can you speak English?" In Japanese, I might say "Dekiru?" Literally, that means "can". Just can. But the rise of the voice implies a question, that I'm adressing it to you means that I'm probably asking about you. If I just randomly out of the blue asked it, I might have to say "Ego dekiru?" and could probably get away with saying just that, which literally means "English can?" Maybe I'd have to add the particle to be clear. I love Japanese. I love English also. I'm really excited about speaking again in a year. Complete immersion in a culture I understand. Woohoo!

A Day in the Life of

I woke up this morning at 9:30 and got ready to go. I wore an undershirt, a long-sleeved shirt, a sweater, and a jacket with jeans and tennies. Breakfast was a ham and cheese sandwhich with orange juice. The orange juice, I should note, is only mine. I told them in the beginning that I like orange juice and they keep it constantly stocked for me. Awww. Otoosan (Dad) drove me to Kyoto Eki at 10:05. I hopped out and jumped on the train for Nara to meet my Hungarian friend for the day. They told me Nara is about 45 minutes to an hour away, but I made it in thirty by taking the super express change. I later learned that one costs about double the amount of money, but nobody told me and nobody came to collect it, so I was oblivious. I arrived at Yamato Saidiji Eki at 11:15, 15 minutes before I supposed to meet my friend. I took a little walk around the area to get a general feel for Nara and was back by thirty after. At noon, I was still sitting in the same chair, tapping my watch and looking expectantly for my friend. At 12:05, 35 minutes after I was supposed to meet Zsofie and 50 minutes after I arrived, I abandoned post and took a longer walk. I decided to find an internet cafe (which I've never seen before in Japan) where I might be able to email my friend as I didn't have her number on me. Of course I didn't find a cafe, but the real reason I took the walk, to beat the boredom and to see the town, was fulfilled and I returned to the station to wait at about 1:00. At 1:10, I decided it was a hopeless cause and bought the ticket to go home. THe following is kind of complicated so bear with me and pay attention to the details if you will. In a Japanese train station, there are the platforms where the trains come and go. And then there are usually stairs that leads to an exit of some kind. Go out the exit and you're in the part of the station where I was waiting for my friend. After you buy a ticket, you put it in the machine and the machine notes where you are at the start of your journey. At your destination, you put the ticket back into the machine and it notes how much money it costs from the start to the arrival point and whether or not you have enough money on the ticket. So I bought the ticket to go home, entered back into the station, and proceeded to find the right stairs for my train. And there was Zsofie, waiting not so patiently by the stairs. Usually people don't wait there because you have to have a ticket to get passed the machines and nobody wants to buy a ticket just to wait for a friend. So we stared dumb-foundedly at each other before embracing and heading out to start our day. Only, I had a rather expensive ticket to go home that I wasn't planning on using. I couldn't use it later either because the ticket had already marked the start of my trip and the next time I stuck it in a machine, it would be assumed as the end of my trip and thus deduct money from me. So I went to a station person and explained that I had a ticket I hadn't used and asked to get my money back for it. He gave it to me no problem. And then the problem occured. We went to leave the station, only to realize that I couldn't get passed the exit machines without a ticket showing my start point. We tried many things. We tried my all-purpose ticket that has a bunch of money on it that you can stick it anywhere, but because the start point hadn't been marked, it wouldn't let me through. We tried using Zsofie's monthly pass, where a flat rate is paid and it doesn't deduct money, but again, a start point hadn't been specified, so it wouldn't let me through. Finally, she had to send her ticket through the machine to indicate it as a start point, and then had me take it out and back through. Sorry, really complicated to explain, but hilarious.

Anyways, after a rather crazy morning, we started our day. First stop: lunch. Guess where we ate? KFC baby. It's so popular here! I hadn't eaten KFC in years and Zsofie has never eaten it, but we both wanted to, so we did, successfully and proudly reading the menu and ordering with ease. After lunch we headed towards a rather famous deer park, similar to Miyajima where the deer freely mingle with the people in hopes of food and some luvin'. We gave them both. At my request, we stopped at a museum on the way, which was the highlight of MY day, though I don't know if Zsofie enjoyed it so much. We went in, not even sure if it was a museum, but asked and got a lot of good info from the person up front. While we were talking, trying to decide if we should do it or not, the lady said in English "This museum houses some of the nation's most beautiful treasures, with artifacts dating back to thousands of years ago." I was sold. Things I especially liked about the lady was that she didn't switch to English until we asked her what a word was. And even then, she asked us if we spoke English. EVERYONE assumes we're Americans that speak English, which is one of my pet peeves (ironic seeing as I AM an American that speaks English...). I didn't have my student ID on my, but she gave me the half-off discount anyways. She acted like it was really an important thing to do to see the museum. And when she gave us brochures, she actually asked us if we wanted them in Japanese or English, which nobody has ever done before (most people just give us them in English, even if I'm with my Japanese family. In that case, they'll give everyone in my family a regular Japanese brochure and me an English one). She spoke to us in Japanese from a belief that we could understand. That feels good would people actually believe in you.

So we went in and looked at the pictures. I was immediately in love with the intricate and beautiful swirls, bold colors, and creative scenery. Zsofie said she missed Monet and that she didn't think Japanese art had much feeling in it. I agreed a little. We found a man sitting at a desk with a sign that said "Free English Guide. Ask Anything About This Museum!" At first we passed it up not thinking anything of it, but then it occured to me that we could actually utilize him, so we did. It completely enhanced our experience. He was obviously some kind of art expert and handled any questions I had with ease. I've never had such personal attention before at a museum. We also asked a few questions about some of the traditions we didn't understand and he explained them with ease. We both came out with a deeper respect for Japanese art. It was really cool having a real live expert at my disposal.

After our little detour, we continued the walk through the deer park, stopping to buy deer food and presents to bring back to Kyoto, as is customary when you go on a trip. I bought food famous in Nara. We entered a beautiful temple that was pretty overpriced and I saw the biggest statue of Buddha in the world. I'm not exaggerating. It was amazing. Our Abe Lincoln could fit in his hand. I bought a pin for my Rotary blazer and we paid 100 yen (about 87 cents) for a fortune from God. Mine was the absolute best I could get.

It reads: (General Explanation) It is a time for you to win honor. Do not be silly enough to shoot an arrow into air for nothing, or your honor will come down to earth. Try to be even more pious. (In case you are ill) See a good doctor, then you will recover completely. (A legal case) Things will come your way. (trade) Profitable. (Travel) It is recommendable that you take a travel. (A person whom you wait for) The prson will come soon. (A thing you have lost) It will be found soon. (Competition) You will win.

Zsofie's reads almost the exact opposite, for the record. Yeah, I know, I'm cool. After this we went for coffee at a cafe where her host sister works, than went shopping a little. As we were almost out of time, neither of us bought anything, though we had fun looking. And then, at 6:30, I hopped on the train back to Kyoto. I got on the really fast train again, and this time someone came to collect money from all the passengers. Eh, what?! You mean this costs more than just the ticket? "Yeah, stupid foreigner, this is the Expres." Eh, no money. Seriously, I was completely wiped out of money after the day's excursions. Buying the fairly expensive ticket home used the last bit of money I had on me. Poor guy. I sympathized with him as he had figure out what to do with stow-away. I was not nervous at all. I was not upset. I was only a tad sorry (why didn't they have it posted that it would cost more, for goodness gracious!) about ripping off the train line. But mostly, I was fascinated. What can he possibly do now? Will he kick me off? After some consideration and a consultation with the people on the other end of his radio, he made me follow him. As we neared the doors of the train, I was sure for one nasty second that he was going to kick me out of the train and I'd be stranded in the middle of the tracks in between two very far towns and in such a mess of railroads that I'd probably die in a second if the jump from the speeding train didn't kill me first. Fortunately, we passed the doors without such an incident happening. Instead, he took me to the "first floor" of the train, where there was a little cubby of like 5 or 6 seats. Actually, I almost sat there in the first place when I saw it because I thought it looked cute and homey. I guess I should have. Either way, I spent the remainder of the ride in the Seats of Shame, wondering if they'd make me wash windows or something to pay my fare. They didn't. In fact, I didn't even get off at the next stop and change to the train I was supposed to be on. I stayed on for the whole short ride.

Otoosan came and picked me up from Mukomachi Eki, a station about two stops from the big Kyoto Station. I had dinner of sushi, rice, miso soup (tofu, seaweed, and miso), salad, an over medium egg, and two fairly big grape tomatos along with juice. I ate with Okaasan (Mom), then went upstairs to my room and rested for about an hour. At 9:50 or so, I took my shower/bath and now, at 11:52, I'm wondering how I'll possibly be able to get up in time for school tomorrow.

And there's a sample of my life, complete with miscommunications, deer-petting, temples, English guides, train errors, sushi, and the conclusive ohudo, or bath.

Sunday I hit Nara

Sometimes when I'm too tired, I just give up on Japanese. I forget to concentrate and then I realize that it's my turn to talk and I have no idea what was just said to me. I remember how excited I was in the beginning that I was understanding right off the bat. I've been excited every step of the way. Surprised. I didn't expect it to be like this. I knew I wouldn't understand anything at all, but who can really predict what that'll be like? One of the most exciting things about a foreign exchange has to be understanding, especially on a daily basis. Before, I was excited because I could say "good night" and "Hello" to everyone. Now I'm excited because I can say "Man! Did you see that fire yesterday! It was crazy! There were firemen everywhere!" (there was a fire yesterday right in front of my school during kendo practice) and better yet, I can understand the reply, "No, I didn't see it. I skipped my club yesterday so I could study, so I was home when it happened. When was it?"

And good news, I finally know my height in centimeters. I know, took me long enough. 160 cenchi.

Today, I was fairly tired. This morning, Nakai Sensei started talking to me in Japanese and I just stared at him. He's so nice to me. He tries to help me learn Japanese and gets everything taken care of so effeciently. If I show even the tiniest bit of wishy-washy-ness, he takes the matter into his own hands. He decided I shouldn't go to the assemblies on Fridays because I "won't understand and will probably get frustrated", but when I told him I wanted to go, there was not even a moment of hesitation, and now I go every Friday. Usually, I don't understand anything. They use the most formal, difficult Japanese for assemblies. Today, instead of an assembly, my homeroom teacher spent an hour talking to everyone about colleges. I figured it was fair game if I slept. Right?

Tomorrow is the big Tacoyaki party. It's going to be crazy. Taco is octopus and yaki is grilled. Tacoyaki is like this pastry-doughy stuff with a little bit of taco inside. But I think we're going to change and fill it with anything - ice cream, chocolate, anco, anything people bring. I hope they're not planning on mixing the octopus and the chocolate together. That doesn't sound very appealing.

I was trying to tell my host parents that I want to go to a big rock garden where you meditate and practice the art of zen. But I didn't remember the name of the temple and I don't know how to say meditate in Japanese. Oh wait! Yeah I do! Darn it. Anyways, I was trying to say rock garden, but I kept saying doctor garden. "Do you mean hospital?" No! Doctor garden! "Are you sick?" No, I was told it's a famous and beautiful place to visit. "Not that special, but if you really want to see it..."

I wish we had warmer school uniforms.

I could write a book about Japanese toilets

Today I was walking along getting ready to meet my host sis, when I felt nature call. Low and behold, I went to the restroom, did my business, and without thinking twice, pressed the button to flush the toilet. As soon as I pressed it, an alarm blared through the station and the button started flashing red and green. I pressed it again, in hopes that it would turn off, but no luck. The whole station was screaming my mistake and there I was in the stall, listening with a mix of horror and fascination as the people audibly stopped what they were doing to see what was going on. Woops. I realized someone would probably come, got dressed as fast as I could, and ran out, only to find a policeman coming from the opposite end of the station and cutting through the chains meant to keep people in line, running hurriedly in my direction. Hehe, I intercepted him and sheepishly explained my situation.

Lessons I've learned today:
Don't press buttons. Don't use Japanese toilets.
The Japanese don't have a word for "flush".
Everybody likes you when you're foreign, even if you set a whole train station in panic.

It's Snowing

Today is a beautiful day. It snowed all morning and they say we might be snowed in tomorrow morning. By the looks of things, I don't buy it, but hey, they've lived here their whole lives and I've only lived here a few months, so what do I know?

Today is my last Sunday before winter break ends. Monday is Coming of Age Day, so no school then either. Monday, I'm going to a big kendo event, where all the high school kendo students in Kyoto City and, as far as I understand, practice. I hope they don't mix us all up and put me with a non-Toba student because I don't want to have to stop practice to explain to someone I've never met before that I don't know Japanese and ask them to please explain it a little slower. Ah well. It's a burden I can and certainly have been living with.

My Sensei wants me to be ready to test by the third month. That'll include a written test and should be considerably longer than my last test. In Japanese!!!!!! But you know. What'll be will be. I've already passed one black belt test, and I'm not sure it gets much harder than that one was. So this one will be mostly a matter of language, as is everything these days. Of course, I'll have to know a bit of kendo, but if I come to practice when I'm supposed to and work on whatever I think they tell me to work on, then I expect I'll be fine. And my karate Sensei from the States sent me a book on kendo, which has been a wonderful resource and I feel a little stupid for not buying it before. And now that I'm applying more of what I know about karate and kung fu into kendo, I'm getting much better. Learning is one of the most exciting things I can ever hope to do. That's one of the reasons why I love being here so much, because every moment is a learning opportunity.

Next week I'm going to Nara City to stay with my Hungarian friend for a day or two. That should be fun.

I'm totally going to Disney Land this month! Woo! That'll definitely be fun.

New Year's Resolutions

I will get rid of my zits. Interestingly, though completely off topic, I learned that zits are not caused by chocolate, though if you're allergic to chocolate it could inflame an acne problem. I also learned that the black part of blackheads is not dirt, but melanin and you should not squeeze them. Sorry, kind of gross. On to resolution number two.

I will never bite my lip again.

I will become conversationally fluent at Japanese (kind of a vague goal, but eh, who cares?).

I will get my short (eh?! short?! 15 minutes is NOT short!) speech finsished and semi-memorized in time for the next Rotary Club meeting.

I will stop procastinating all the time and try to focus on one thing for more than five minut...

I will stop being irritated when people ask me why I'm so skinny and when I'll get fat.

Making resolutions has never been my forte. Ah well. I'm all for living now and working in the moment. I don't feel like I need some future goal in sight to work hard. In some ways that's bad because I don't have the direction I would get if I had more goals, but in other ways I think it's better. If I'm watching TV, I almost always think "Is this a good investment of my time? What will I get from it? What I could be doing instead that would be a better use?" In Japan, I actually watch more television than I ever did in the States (well, I went through a "Trading Spaces" phase along with the rest of the world a few years ago and hated missing that show) because it helps me learn Japanese and I'm sitting with my family. I never watch it alone, though sometimes I watch movies alone. Sometimes, I take a book and read while my family watches television. That's only in dire situations though.
Whether or not working without goals is wreckless, I feel like I'm doing something right so I don't worry too much about it. I've got a black belt in four arts (that's so wierd), I'm in Japan, I got accepted into more colleges than I applied to, including my first choice college, and was offered scholarships, I'm actually cracking this seemingly impossible language, and I'm sporting a really amazing fifty dollar hair cut. Man I feel good! =)

This sure went downhill (uphill?) from my New Year's resolutions list. When did I become so arrogant? It does feel really rewarding to see the fruits of my efforts so easily. If I study a word, than the next I can use it. If I practice writing a kanji, then I'll be able to say one more person's name just by looking at her gymn clothes. If I stay cheerful, people comment on it and like me. If I keep an open mind, I'm happier and understand more. Even being confident is good, as it usually means I can understand the language better (second guessing yourself in the middle of a sentence is just not fun). Everything has immediate consequences and I feel really good as an exchange student. I can already see distinct differences in myself and that's incredibly exciting. This whole process has been exciting. These changes must have happened in my sleep or something. I don't remember them happening.

It's also really exciting dedicating a whole year to learning one thing (if you call learning a culture one thing). I don't take school seriously because I'm not here to learn math. I here to learn what Japanese students do in a math class. I have none of that typical Heather Reserve when I go out with friends or meet new people because I'm to learn and I've completely thrown myself to that task. It's a wonderful feeling knowing I can succeed. People like me and everyone introduces me as the funny American. What?! When did that happen? People seek me out for laughs and for advice and for friendship. Partly it's because I'm foreign, but partly it must be because they like me. When I run into Toba students outside of school, they ask to take pictures with me, especially if I don't know them. How cool is that?

I don't ever want to go back to the way I was before. I liked myself five months ago, but I'd have hardly called myself conceited. I don't ever want to go home. I'm happy here. It's thrilling being so successful. I love it when people understand my jokes, and even better, when they laugh at them. I love it when people ask me questions about America. I love that I understand so much more about this culture than I did before. I love that it's harder for me to speak only in English to a Japanese person than only in Japanese. While I always loved this culture, I'm not clashing with it so much anymore, or just watching my host family take part in it. I'm not just going through the motions. When I bow, it's a genuine bow filled with respect or gratitude or whatever the occasion might call for, and I feel akward when people go to shake my hand. Only months ago, I felt akward without the handshake to rely on. I offer to help others a lot more than I ever did before, and much less akwardly. Not from obligation or because people expect it of me, but from a genuine belief that sharing the load can only be good. I actually care about other people. Ironically, in Japan people really don't share their problems so much, but I still find myself caring more than I did in America, where I knew all my friends' problems and they knew mine.

This is so exciting. I'm afraid to go home. Obviously, I should employ my previous way of thinking and just not consider the future. Okay. Happy desu.

And a Happy New Year

I owe you guys a New Year's story, so here it is.

Preperations started when we were still in school (before the winter vacation started). We all traded adresses and my friends gave me my teacher's addresses (how do they know??). I told Nakai Sensei I felt a little wierd going up to people and just asking them for their address. He laughed and we talked about a huge cultural difference - the American need for privacy opposed to the Japanese need for companionship. He said in his neighborhood, the neighborhood "leader" required everyone to write down their addresses, names, phone numbers, occupations, and any other "relevant information" in case of emergencies. Now everyone in the neighborhood has a copy of it. He said the school used to give out a directory with all past students' information until students started selling them to phone companies (haha!). What a difference! It's everywhere. My parents come into my room on whims. The houses are so close we can practically communicate with the across-the-street neighbors without leaving the living room couch. But I digress.

We exchanged adresses and then, on the last day of school before break, we took a few periods out and cleaned the school. The kids weren't really into it, so the school isn't as spick and span as it would be if it employed janitors. It's a nice sentiment in theory, but the reality is that the school is always a little musty and dirty because kids are in charge of cleaning. But hey, nobody would ever think to blow spitballs on the ceilings in a Japanese school, so it's not all bad. Shoot, I'm digressing again, aren't I?

We cleaned. Everybody had forgetting the year parties, where they drank away the year. My friends and I also had a party, but we drank melon soda instead. It was a yakiniku party, where the table was a grill and everybody put their favorite food onto the grill. Delicious. I love anything yaki (grilled). Afterwards, my friends and I went and did Puricura, of course. And then we went home around 10 or 11.

I still had kendo practice untill right before New Year's. On the 28th, we finally got out of kendo. In kendo, we also had a huge cleaning day. We spent the whole five hours of practice cleaning the windows, wiping the doors, mopping our floor, and putting new tape on the floor to mark the size of a match area. It was a very communal cleaning, and thus fun. It was sort of a bonding thing for the kendo club to have to work together to clean the gymn. Every took part, from the Sensei to the lowest rank (that'd be me...) and when we were finished we all sat back for a few minutes and just admired our work. Even the stern Sensei. We did a much more thorough job than the school did with their big cleaning. And, I noted with a perverse sense of satisfaction, the ping pong club on the other half of the job didn't do nearly as good of a job as we did.

So kendo let out and we vigourously started preperations at home. We made food. We cleaned. We did laundry (eh, Okaasan did laundry, that is...). We shopped. On Dec. 31, everyone was up at 8, doing the hard core cleaning. Okaasan woke me up and then sent me outside right away to help wash the outside of the house. I was thankful to them for including me. They were originally planning on letting me sleep in. I would have felt really wierd waking up at 10 to find everyone else had been working for a few hours. Around noon, Otoosan and I called it a day (we had been working together on the outside of the house) and went to the nearby bakery to purchase breakfast. I love this bakery. Japan is certainly no European country, but I'm in love with their breads. We bought more than enough for everyone than headed back and everyone sat down to a belated breakfast/lunch. After noon, most of the house was clean. I went and took care of my own room, but they did a big cleaing of it before I moved in, so I mostly just had to straighten my belongings and wipe everything down. Easy peesy. Afterwards, Okaasan, Otoosan, and I went shopping for the necessities - food. It was packed. We could barely move. We stood in line for two hours just for three little slices of egg. Omochi and fresh, moving fish and screams of "IRASSHAIMASEEEE!" were everywhere. A few times, my host parents and I got seperated in all the people. But it wasn't like either of us could turn around and walk back into the throngs of people. We finished the food shopping and went shopping for new clothes. I got new expensive underclothes, my host mom got new (probably expensive) slippers, and my host father got new pajamas. The idea is that the next morning is a completely different year, separate from all the grime and problems of the previous year. All of our clothes were washed, our laundry changed, our refrigerated stocked (at least, as stocked as they get for the Japanese), our toothpaste and shampoo replaced with new ones, and everything we could need was bought. I thought we were preparing for an air raid or something, the way they stocked up on stuff. Night came and we stopped cleaning and shopping and started celebrating. We ate a traditional New Year's Eve dinner of soba, which represents longevity of one's life, maybe. My host sister and I went to a shrine to pray to our ancestors. She said it would be packed. I was expecting something like what I had encountered that morning, where there was no turning back and you just had to keep moving. I was wrong. It was much much more crowded. I've never been a claustraphobic person before. In fact, you might say I find comfort in being with a lot of people. Oh man. I couldn't even move there were so many people. It took us about two hours to walk one block. Mostly, we just stood and waited, doing very little walking. It was thrilling to be with so many people, but on the other hand, it was a little panicky. I couldn't lift my arm without pushing people. And then if I wanted to put my hand back down I'd have to push them again. It was insane. Once we actually got into the shrine, it wasn't as bad. The shrine was pretty spacious so the people where more spread out. There were a lot, but it was manageable. I picked a really good fortune for this year. I'm going to have good studying and I have a good chance of falling in love. Suhweet. I asked my host sis who wrote them and she told me God. Wow. I got a fortune from God. We bought some yakisoba because it was so cold and yakisoba is warm. We praid to our ancestors. The process took about 15 minutes. I was baffled. "That's it?" I asked when she turned and started home. She laughed and asked me if I wanted to go back in and see a little more of the shrine. I said no, I was just a litle surprised. Two hour wait! Fifteen minutes! Ah well.

I had my shower/bath and went to bed.

On New Year's morning, I woke up at 10:00 (I went to bed at 2:30-ish the night before) and immediately got dressed and went downstairs. Right away, people started coming. We ate breakfast with eleven people and then automatically started preparing lunch. I spent the day laboring over New Year's cards, determined to write all the adresses in kanji. Once I got started, it wasn't so impossible. A lot of kanji repeats itself, which was a relief. Even so, it was very difficult and took the majority of my day. I sent out 24 cards and have recieved/expect to recieve the same amount in return. I also wrote personalized messages on each of them and was very proud of myself when I finished. Writing the adresses was the hardest part.

More people came by dinner time. We had so many people we had to use three tables. And there was food! A lot of food! We ate a feast and everyone talked and then we all took family portraits on the couch. It was sweet. Homey. Reminded me a bit of Christmas back at home. This one guy about 25 came in and went to sit with everyone. The adults turned him away and said he had to sit with the kids. He was offended, but I didn't think he should have been. The "adult table" consisted of people about 44 and over, while the "kid table" consisted of people ages 14-29. There were only two 14 year olds and a 16 year old. And me. And then everyone else at the kids table were adults (aged 20 or over). Anyways, it was a good time and now Japan's a lot heavier because of all the food we ate.

Everyone left and we cleaned up and then slept. The next day, still vaguely part of the holidays, we went to my host parents' parents' grave and paid our respects. It was rather far (about two hours there and back) and took up the majority of the day. We still ate traditional New Year's foods. And yesterday I went shopping and got some awesome sales. This time of the year is apparently always littered with sales because kids get New Year's money on New Years. I got about $46 from my parents and $27 from my brother. That was nice. I spent it all, but now finally have some really warm clothes for the winter. Hehe, I still haven't touched this month's allowance. Yes!

Yesterday evening, I went to another party for Rotaract students, which was a lot of fun. The person who was hosting it's parents own a popular chain of bakeries, so it was a bread party, kind of. Lots of fun.

We got home at two and I zonked out. This morning, I had a normal breakfast for the first time since the 29th. The New Year's vacation is coming to a close. Tomorrow, I have kendo practice again and Tuesday, I have school. My host father bought me a brand new, really annoying bell alarm clock for the occasion! All right!

Woohoo!

Today, I hit the shops. Hard core. I'll brave the throngs of people out for the New Year's sales and gosh golly, I'll buy those cute pants if they're reasonably priced and on sale. But first, breakfast.

About a Dog

Today I will digress from this Japanese Adventure, despite it being the famous New Year's Day. Instead, today I will tell you about a dog.

I remember very clearly the day we got this particular dog. I was playing out front when Dad called me in and asked if I wanted to go to the pound to pick out a dog with Mom. Of course I said yes. There were so many! Mom spotted her first, noting her spots and happy demeaner. I agreed that she was a keeper. We didn't take her home at that very moment. Mom said we had to look around more to be sure of our decision. So we looked around. Mom pointed out a shaggy puppy with grayish-whitish hair. I refuted it, saying it was ugly and ran back to the cage holding our future dog. I must confess though the real reason I refuted the dog which I thought was very cute was partly because I wanted a say in the choice and partly because Mom had already implied that this dog was The One and thus I had already decided on her. I must have been about three that day.

I was so excited to show her off when we returned home with her. Mom had suggested the name "Freckles" on the ride home, and with that toddler logic I used to pick her out, I decided on Freckles. My nickname was Freckle Face and so I thought it would be marvelous to have a dog with a similar name. In the end, it was my older brother who named her. He brought up the name "Abu", after the monkey in Disney's "Aladdin." The name was voted in unanimously, except for me, who held out for Freckles.

Abu and me and Jonathan grew up together. We took walks together when we were little and learned how to play with her together. Abu simultaniously learned how to play with us. I have fond memories of running around in circles in our hot California yard, chasing after the stick gripped feriously in her mouth. The first few years we were very young together, just figuring out how to interact. She was instantly a part of the family and during dinner slept consistently under the kitchen table.

Abu saw the birth of two out of three of my little siblings. She was nothing but gentle and patient with us as we were learning not to pull her tail or ride on her back. She loved to be part of the action back then and anytime we got riled up, Abu would be right alongside us, jumping and barking excitedly.

She learned to respect cats when she was little. A tiny puppy, she had to submiss to our large, dominant cat's reign. I imagine when the cat scracthed her, she was just going for her favorite food (cat food) or trying to introduce herself to the stranger. Or maybe she wanted to eat the cat. Dunno, but that cat taught Abu to respect cats, a lesson she retained throughout her life.

We lost the cat when we made a huge move across two states. We lost a dog that got loose and ran away. We gave another dog away because she was too violent for our household. We've lost parakeets and guineau pigs and a lizard and a whole tank of fish. But Abu lived and didn't run away and wasn't eaten. She grew as I did. When I was old enough to run with her, she was old enough to take me running and watch out for me. She always knew the way back home. Sometimes when I took her running, I take off her leash a few blocks before we got home and she would zip ahead of me. By the time I would get home, she'd have already got someone to let her in and would be starting on an afternoon nap.

But usually, we never took her on a leash. My older brother and I felt indignant of the idea of putting a leash on Abu; really we knew she would take far more care of us than the other way around. Though we never took time to really train her, she learned to come if we asked her to, to stay off the grass if we told her to, and even to dance with us on her hind legs if it meant she got to do the initial jump onto the chest.

Abu grew from her roll of playmate to that of a babysitter or a nanny. If Jonathan and I were playing too rough when we were younger, she would show her disapproval by growling at us (there was a zetai difference between her angry growl, fun growl, and stop it right now you're going to get hurt growl).

One time Jonathan told me a terrifying story about vampires, assuring me that they were absolutely real. I spent that night cowing under blankets, trying to avoid looking at the window. Finally, I woke him up and asked him if I could sleep with him. "Nah. If any vampires came in here, you can bet Abu would take him." And I believed him. After that, whenever I was scared of the dark I called Abu into my room and asked her to keep watch over me for the night. She alternated who she slept with and usually once she picked a place, the other kids couldn't persuade her to change her mind, much to our dismay. But she seemed to know when we needed a listening ear or just her comforting fur beneath our fingers.

The older she got, the more dedicated to protecting us she seemed to be. She tested each person before they entered our house and, though she barked at everyone (especially in her younger days), she reserved a growl for people she didn't trust. Everyone in the house trusted her barks to the extent that if she was barking at the front door, someone would call a parent to go out with her and make sure everything was okay. If Abu refused to go somewhere during our walks, I would listen to her.

She knew when we were going on walks too. We would even have to say anything to her. She would just watch us put our shoes on and prepare and she'd be waiting by the front door when we were ready to go. It was heart-breaking sometimes when she fully expected to go on a walk and we were going somewhere she couldn't go.

Abu knew when we were the saddest, and was there whenever we needed her. She didn't care that I was a teenager with a teenager's hormones. She loved me even when I hated the world. She had various pillows and toys throughout her life, but in the end, her favored spot was on the couch, right with the rest of the family. No matter how many times we'd kick her off, she'd be right back on, and secretly, I think even my parents invited her on when they wanted her comfort. She considered herself part of the family and where we were, she was. We considered her part of the family too and felt empty whenever we had to leave her behind on vacation.

Abu took it upon herself to take care of us and if dogs can feel pride, I'm certain Abu was proud of us (me and Jonathan and Jeff, and even the little guys and the parents). She certainly played her part in my upbringing and I can't remember a family dinner without her laying patiently under the table, not begging, but enjoying the family and the stray food.

My doggy died yesterday. My sibling died yesterday. My aunt died yesterday. My friend died yesterday. My knight in shining armor died yesterday. Abu died yesterday.

It's not a terrible feeling. I miss her already and I can't imagine going home to a house without Abu, but it was right. She was 16 and has finished her part raising kids. May she rest in peace. May we never forget our phenominal dog. And may she really be up there right now, playing fetch with Dad under the California sun, waiting for us all to join her again.