New Year's Resolutions

I will get rid of my zits. Interestingly, though completely off topic, I learned that zits are not caused by chocolate, though if you're allergic to chocolate it could inflame an acne problem. I also learned that the black part of blackheads is not dirt, but melanin and you should not squeeze them. Sorry, kind of gross. On to resolution number two.

I will never bite my lip again.

I will become conversationally fluent at Japanese (kind of a vague goal, but eh, who cares?).

I will get my short (eh?! short?! 15 minutes is NOT short!) speech finsished and semi-memorized in time for the next Rotary Club meeting.

I will stop procastinating all the time and try to focus on one thing for more than five minut...

I will stop being irritated when people ask me why I'm so skinny and when I'll get fat.

Making resolutions has never been my forte. Ah well. I'm all for living now and working in the moment. I don't feel like I need some future goal in sight to work hard. In some ways that's bad because I don't have the direction I would get if I had more goals, but in other ways I think it's better. If I'm watching TV, I almost always think "Is this a good investment of my time? What will I get from it? What I could be doing instead that would be a better use?" In Japan, I actually watch more television than I ever did in the States (well, I went through a "Trading Spaces" phase along with the rest of the world a few years ago and hated missing that show) because it helps me learn Japanese and I'm sitting with my family. I never watch it alone, though sometimes I watch movies alone. Sometimes, I take a book and read while my family watches television. That's only in dire situations though.
Whether or not working without goals is wreckless, I feel like I'm doing something right so I don't worry too much about it. I've got a black belt in four arts (that's so wierd), I'm in Japan, I got accepted into more colleges than I applied to, including my first choice college, and was offered scholarships, I'm actually cracking this seemingly impossible language, and I'm sporting a really amazing fifty dollar hair cut. Man I feel good! =)

This sure went downhill (uphill?) from my New Year's resolutions list. When did I become so arrogant? It does feel really rewarding to see the fruits of my efforts so easily. If I study a word, than the next I can use it. If I practice writing a kanji, then I'll be able to say one more person's name just by looking at her gymn clothes. If I stay cheerful, people comment on it and like me. If I keep an open mind, I'm happier and understand more. Even being confident is good, as it usually means I can understand the language better (second guessing yourself in the middle of a sentence is just not fun). Everything has immediate consequences and I feel really good as an exchange student. I can already see distinct differences in myself and that's incredibly exciting. This whole process has been exciting. These changes must have happened in my sleep or something. I don't remember them happening.

It's also really exciting dedicating a whole year to learning one thing (if you call learning a culture one thing). I don't take school seriously because I'm not here to learn math. I here to learn what Japanese students do in a math class. I have none of that typical Heather Reserve when I go out with friends or meet new people because I'm to learn and I've completely thrown myself to that task. It's a wonderful feeling knowing I can succeed. People like me and everyone introduces me as the funny American. What?! When did that happen? People seek me out for laughs and for advice and for friendship. Partly it's because I'm foreign, but partly it must be because they like me. When I run into Toba students outside of school, they ask to take pictures with me, especially if I don't know them. How cool is that?

I don't ever want to go back to the way I was before. I liked myself five months ago, but I'd have hardly called myself conceited. I don't ever want to go home. I'm happy here. It's thrilling being so successful. I love it when people understand my jokes, and even better, when they laugh at them. I love it when people ask me questions about America. I love that I understand so much more about this culture than I did before. I love that it's harder for me to speak only in English to a Japanese person than only in Japanese. While I always loved this culture, I'm not clashing with it so much anymore, or just watching my host family take part in it. I'm not just going through the motions. When I bow, it's a genuine bow filled with respect or gratitude or whatever the occasion might call for, and I feel akward when people go to shake my hand. Only months ago, I felt akward without the handshake to rely on. I offer to help others a lot more than I ever did before, and much less akwardly. Not from obligation or because people expect it of me, but from a genuine belief that sharing the load can only be good. I actually care about other people. Ironically, in Japan people really don't share their problems so much, but I still find myself caring more than I did in America, where I knew all my friends' problems and they knew mine.

This is so exciting. I'm afraid to go home. Obviously, I should employ my previous way of thinking and just not consider the future. Okay. Happy desu.