I might fall asleep as I'm writing this

I remember one day at karate, back in America, about two or three years ago now. It was one of Those Days. I came to class needing the workout, though why I wouldn't have been able to say. It was a Thursday, which means two things. One: I wasn't in charge of teaching, didn't have to be there, and probably came to class on a last minute decision (which my mom surely wasn't happy about). Two: I spent the class (and likely came for it) surrounded by some of my closest friends. Scott was leading that day and I was in the Hot Spot. The far right of the first line. There was the rage I get sometimes for no apparent reason. I think it's all of my emotions taking one form at one time, and it ends up as that black black anger. I love it, though usually only feel it when I'm at karate, and even then it's rare. I was feeling it that Thursday and I was dying to sweat. I wanted to be able to dump every single ounce of me onto the mat. We were going at a regular pace and I was thinking "I hope any time now we go so fast I won't be able to keep up, that I'll get that coppery taste in my mouth that is my body demanding water, that it'll feel better than crying. Please let today be one of those days. Please please please."

And then Sensei came in. He hardly spoke that day, except to tell us a story and then to give the orders of what to do next. This is the story he told: "Many years ago, when I was a student of OSensei Premru, he warned us to keep our dojo clean and keep up on chores. Nobody went home until the dojo was spotless and everyone did a chore everyday. One day, he had to leave early and we decided that the dojo was fairly clean, so we left without cleaning. The next day, Sensei Premru reminded us how important the dojo is and how we must have respect for it and ourselves. It was a lesson we never forgot. Right front stance, up." And we got into a right front stance, and then we kicked and then we switched stances and kicked and the orders kept steadily coming and we steadily obeyed. One technique after another after another. At first I felt like laughing because it felt so good and I could feel the rage that I had wanted earlier. It was a beautiful day. I lost my ability (and desire) to think as the effort of moving engulfed me, but I remember he told us to take a break, and I felt like screaming from frustration. It wasn't until I stopped jumping around that I realized I was actually exhausted. And then we kept going and it was beautiful beautiful beautiful. One of my best days at karate.

And then there's kendo. We won a tournament last week, so we're going to a bigger one next month. In honor of this Super Difficult Tournament that we're heading to, Sensei altered our workout routine today. We changed from three kirikaeshi to five. And 100 kaeshi do and 100 of something else I don't remember. He wants kaeshi do to be second nature, so that we don't know how to block the shinai without returning a do. It was a great day. I was tired, but I got about three kaeshi do's in that I was really proud of. That I'm sure would have gotten me ippons (points). There's a difference between slumpy and tired.

I think tomorrow we'll have our little mock shia. I love them. I think I can win tomorrow. I hope so.