Today my little cousin came over and jumped on me until I woke up and it felt very much like I was at home. Only I wasn't done sleeping.

I want to apologize for my terrible grammatical and spelling mistakes. I actually think with these mistakes. Oh the horror.

Oh, my dreams are really interesting.

At first I always dreamt in English, then gradually everyone had Japanese accents. Then occasionally Japanese people would speak a word or two of Japanese. The funny thing is that American people always spoke English and Japanese people always spoke Japanese. Usually just a word, then they'd stay quiet for the rest of the dream. Then I started carrying on conversations with the Japanese people in my dreams. Now matches exactly how I think. Mostly everyone speaks English, though if there is a term that's more convenient in Japanese or a phrase that we just don't have in English, it's always said in Japanese.

Oh, and I had a dream that me and my siblings were power rangers.

Mom's coming tonight, so I'll spend today cleaning up the house, packing my overnight bag for the hotel we're staying at, and of course, practicing kendo.

I think I'm losing it

Hello! I got on to my computer and the other day and realized that my homepage (google.com) has switched for about the fourth time to Japanese (google.co.jp). I never asked it to and I even when it's in English, the option to switch to Japanese is always at the right hand corner. I have no idea where the option came from or how in the world Google knows where I am, but they definitely do. My email is also officially in Japanese and I'm not sure how to fix that, though it seems that it changes back to English randomly. It might be because I write a quite a few emails in Japanese, or it might be that my email is also google and that whatever made them decide to change my homepage also made them change my email. Now, my blogger is also in Japanese. Can you guys tell, or is it just my posting options? It's a good thing this didn't happen earlier in my exchange or there might not even be a blog.

So I've been busy lately. I went out with my last host sister today and later met a whole bunch of her friends that I haven't seen in a while. The day before I went out with my kendo club. We ate and ate and ate and then went out to karaoke. Yesterday afternoon, I went to my friend's goodbye party (she's moving), and the day before I went out with friends from school. The day before I went out with five other exchange students and now, I'm pretty much broke. I haven't eaten dinner here at home in forever. I also smell pretty badly of cigarettes and beer and karaoke. I hope the smell will come off my jacket and scarf and stuff.

Kendo was pretty good today! Sensei told me that I've become good and that he's really happy with my progress. That was really great. I was happy when he told me that. My friends gave me a new assessment of my problems, and I've pretty much fixed the old, common ones. At least, I hope I did. I've been working hard to fix all the problems that are constantly pointed out to me. My newest, worst problem is actually pretty funny. For some reason, I have the hardest time springing forward off my back leg. I had that problem when I was learning jump spins in karate too. So because I have some kind of mental block (fear?) keeping me from making that tiny step, I used to compensate by bringing my back foot forward a little bit to lesson the interval between my feet. The result was that I always ended up to closer than anticipated to my opponent, which means I used the wrong part of the shinai, which is also probably connected to using the wrong tenouchi. So I worked really hard to fix that and everyone stopped fixing that. And then, hehe, yesterday Sensei pointed out that instead of bringing my back leg forward, I'm bringing my front leg back. Darn! I feel like that's much worse because I practically topple over just from that little step back. So I have to retrain my feet to make this tiny, rather normal step. I don't know why it's so hard for me.

I also thought the advice I got today was interesting. At the end of every class someone goes up front and leads through about 4 minutes of technique, sort of like a warm-down. So today was my turn. Haha, everyone says they're so impressed when I go up because I sound like I know what I'm talking about when it's obvious that I don't. They say it's almost like I've been teaching kendo for a few years. They told me that most beginners have a huge self-confidence problem and hate being up front. They don't speak loud enough, they're hesitant with they're technique, they complain when they shouldn't, and they carry themselves slumped and embaressedly. Haha, sound familiar, all you who were around when I started teaching? Even before that when I had to lead warm-ups for the first time? So everyone agrees that I have awesome energy/spirit and that my posture is great (which came as a surprise), but that I don't know a thing about the shinai. Some people say it doesn't make sense. Why do I have such a loud, confident kiai if I can't hold the shinai? Why can I do the small kotei men better than anyone else but I can't do a regular kotei for the life of me? Not that having a karate background makes me even almost good at kendo. I'm a beginner and there are no shortcuts to learning. That's what this year is teaching me. No shortcuts. Well, emersion is sort of a language-learning shortcut.

My Mom should be here by tomorrow evening. Thank goodness. I'm looking forward to seeing her.

Seven Month Anniversary

On Sunday (the day after tomorrow) I will have been in Japan for exactly seven months. I had lots of ideas about the thoughts I might be thinking and the things I might be doing by the seventh month mark. I can't say if I'm ahead of progress or behind, because the truth I've gone completely off track. My goals have dramatically changed and I've realized that the reasons that I'm here now and what I'm supposed to be doing are not precisely the reasons why I came in the first place.

I thought by now I would be fluent in Japanese, or near fluency. Because I went through my first text book in three months, I was sure I would working through "Japanese for Busy People Three" by now. I thought I would be in love with the Japanese school uniform and that I'd be able to cook Japanese food. I thought I would enjoy Japanese television with my family and that I might even read Japanese books. I thought I own would have Hello Kitty stickers and pins stuck on it and that I would have whole CD's of famous J-pop singers memorized. I thought I would have no communication trouble and that I would speak only Japanese to my English teachers by now. I thought I'd be brilliant in kendo by now and that I'd have discovered a "new me" and that I would be completely in love with Japan by now.

I am not fluent in Japanese. I still have difficulty making myself understood. While I've made considerable progress, I can only barely call myself "conversationally fluent", especially if I'm talking to my host grandparents (who I've decided have worse Japanese than I do). In the four months that I've been working through my second text book, I have made it about a third of the way through. While this book is considerably more difficult and also introduces kanji, my learning has slowed waaaaaaaaay down and I am content with a new grammatical structure a week. When I'm walking home from school, I enviously watch the college students sport the newest fashions, looking down on us little high school kids. I can't cook Japanese food unless it's the table-top yaki style, which is like barbeque style only a little different. I watch TV sometimes, but more often than not, I completely tune it out and forget to even concentrate on what's going on. It's a lot like math class. As for reading, I bought my first manga and worked through about half of it with only few difficulties, then ran into an English book store and that's the last time I ever touched the manga. I'm still not a huge fan of Hello Kitty, though tolerating her is a survival skill I've picked up. I haven't memorized one single Japanese song, though I can sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in English with my favorite Japanese singer. I still refer to my Japanese/English book and I still primarily speak English with my English teachers. I'm still the worst in my club at kendo (and the newest) and I'm still the same old Heather. And as for being in love with Japan, that's a little more complicated...

I was in love with Japan the minute my Rotary Club back home sent me the email announcing I'd be spending a year here. I was in love Japan as I peered wonderingly at the floating airport out the window. I was in love with Japan as all my teachers smiled and wished me a good morning in japanese-english. There hasn't been a moment when I haven't really loved Japan. But I love Japan in a totally different way than I did before. In the first two months, I loved that I had to remove my shoes and wear slippers in the house and that I ate rice with every meal and that I had to take a subway and a train to get to school. In the second two months, I loved that I was communicating in a foreign language and that I was learning kendo and that I was making so many friends by virtue of being foreign. And during months five and six, I loved that I was adapting and that the food was awesome and that I had scored two awesome host families. I loved the sites and the beauty and the people.

I've realized that I'm not here to be Japanese or to disregard American traditions. I've learned that I dont need to

Hokkaido Pics

This is me in front of the famous clock tower.




Me and the famous snowman. I don't know who he is, but there were a whole bunch of him all with the same face. I think he might be a marketing strategy and that's why we saw him everywhere.

My Mommy's Coming

Today in kendo I sucked, to put it crudely. It was embarassing. At the end of class, when all of the higher ranks gave advice to the lower ranks, I got the same advice from just about everyone, and that I've recently been getting a lot.

The first piece of advice I've been getting from day one, though I feel it's something I've improved significantly with. I'm the gripping the shinai all wrong. I'm using my right hand too much and my left hand not enough. I've been told this so many times I have no trouble understanding the Japanese for "too tense" anymore. Likewise, my whole kendo club knows the word "relax" in English because of me. So whenever I get this advice, I focus really hard on not gripping the shinai too hard with my right hand. I feel like my hand is so loose that the shinai is just dangling in my hand. But, they still tell me I'm tensing too much. Maybe the problem is I that I'm changing the wrong thing, because they're still correcting me. Tomorrow, I will ask where exactly I'm too tense and what to do to fix it.

The second piece of advice is that I'm not using my center enough. Sensei tells met this is why I'm not scoring points in the shiais. My hits are worth nothing because my body isn't behind them. He's also been telling me this for a while, but this also I've been having trouble fixing. I remember when it was a problem in my karate, and occasionally it still is, but I feel like I shoulud be able to do this. Sensei sat down with me (actually stood up with me?) and physically showed me exactly where my hands need to be in order to use my center. The problem I'm having is that the shinai is supposed to be an extension of the body, and thus should be used (as far as I understand) to cover distance. Keeping this in mind, I always extend as far as I can with the shinai and sometimes, they tell me to make it even bigger. But to use my center, Sensei tells me that my kamai should be pulled in really tight. I'm thinking that means that, in the process of men uchi, the hands start pulled in at kamai, lift up with the elbows bent (forming a triangle, my friend told me), and with the left hand, the shinai comes down, the right wrist sort of snapping, adding the whip to the technique, and the elbows extended so that a lot of distance is convered. After the men is executed, you return to a tight (though relaxed?) kamai, keeping the center and not worrying about covering distance yet. What I'm confused about is when exactly the arms extend to reach the opponent. I'm thinking it must be at the moment after your shoulders have reached the position for striking and before the wrists snap into place (if that's in fact what the wrists are doing). Man it's confusing!

The third and maybe most frustrating piece of advice I've been repeatedly recieving is to have a little more confidence. I don't know what that means. That's not advice I can study, or something I can memorize by repetition. I don't know how to fix that. I don't feel unconfident. I know they must be right, of course because they're higher ranks than me, but also because I've seen so many people at White Eagle that would be so much better if they just had more confidence. I can read how to do a men uchi, or ask my friends to show me, or ask my Sensei to show me, or simply watch other people and imitate what they're doing. How do I learn confidence and when did I ever unlearn it? How did I learn it the first time?

Tea Ceremony

Today I went to a tea ceremony with one of my host relations and two of her daughters. It's a very strict, formal ceremony in Japan, known for it's elegance and beauty. It was interesting. Seiza hurt like the dickens (whatever that means). I hate seiza vehemently. During my kendo test, I sat in seiza on the wooden floor for at least an hour while I waited. That was the hardest part of my kendo test. It's not so bad on our nice, padded floors at the dojo I practice at back home. But on the wooden and tatami floors, I come out with bruises on my ankles and knees, and every time I'm in it for a considerable amount of time, my feet numb to the pain, which I guess is a blessing. Wow, this started telling you about the tea ceremony. Sorry.

The tea ceremony was awesome and beautiful and interesting and will press my host ____ (maybe my aunt? cousin? sister?) to tell me the significance behind all the little details that go into every aspect of the ceremony. I'm sure I unknowingly butchered at least half of it, but it was nice. The tea was good, though bitter, and the okashi was also good. I think it was something anko-ish, but not sure. The little girls that went with us were loud and didn't care for the customs - or seiza for that matter. A long time ago, most Japanese sat in seiza any time they sat down, and thus were accustomed to it from a young age. Now, usually only really old people can sit in it for long periods of time (more than five minutes) without feeling pain. My Japanese friends hate it as much as I do.

Other than that, not much happened. Tomorrow I'm going out for a long bikeride around town. Maybe all day. I have no school and no kendo and no plans. Only it'll be freezing out (maybe literally) so I might just stay home and read. My current book is incredibly interesting. It's called "The Arabs" by David Lamb and is an interesting insight into the Middle Eastern history, culture, politics, and religion. I'm looking for a good follow-up book, but don't where to go. I hear Bernard Lewis is a superb author, but his books are so numerous I don't know where to start. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm looking for something not to dense and not written for someone with a lot of background on the subject.

Hope you have an absolutely magnificent day.

Blogger Plus?

So Blogger updated and expanded and tricked me into switching my blog over to the new, savy version. It wasn't really a trick (it said "do you want to switch accounts? yes or no?") but I wish I hadn't anyways. The differences are minor and I'm sure I'll like this one better after I get used to it and explore the features, but actually, I don't care much for features. I just want to say what I have to say and for the lovely readers to read what it. I don't need sound effects or flashy lights. Just this little text box is fine.

But the changing over process wasn't exactly difficult or anything, so I shouldn't complain. One thing that's incredibly annoying is that I have to sign in every time I come now, instead of the site remembering me. There's a button that says "remember me" and I check it every time, but it still makes me sign in. Bah.

Anyways, about Japan. Japan. Uhm, yeah, Japan is cool. Really cold. I feel so stupid complaining about the temperature because it's practically spring outside and I'm not living in the mountains anymore, like I was at the last house. But insulation is just nonexistant and I feel it for sure.

My mom's coming to visit in about two weeks, which I'm pretty excited about. I haven't been homesick but there's just something about being away from my mom for so long. I know I'm supposed to grow up right about now and be prepared to do everything on my own and I am prepared, but mom's are a good asset and I would prefer not to spend so much time away from my own. Usually, whenever I get frustrated, it's not because I can't make myself understood, but because people don't react the way I want or expect; sometimes they just flat out don't believe me. For example, if I told my last host mom about an extra kendo practice scheduled on Saturday, she would wait until I went upstairs, then call my kendo Sensei and ask if there's a kendo practice scheduled for Saturday. My Japanese has certainly progressed to the point where I can understand "practice, Saturday." If my family has a question for my teachers, instead of telling me to ask my teachers, they write a letter and tell me to give it to my teachers. I usually tear up the letter and ask myself.

The thing is that this is just a different place and the actions can't be compared to Americans. What I mean to say is that they aren't trying to insult me and don't necessarily thing I have wrotten Japanese. Let me explain.
One of the huge, fundamental differences between Japan and America (there are many) is the difference in the amount of ethnic varieties. America, of course, is made up of a whole gaggle of peoples from all over the world. Sometimes the Japanese admit to me ashamedly that they can't the difference between Americans and Canadians and Germans and French. Don't worry, we can't either. There virtually is no difference. The essence of America is it's diversity and most Americans can claim at three or four ethnic heritages. I think that I'm Scottish and British and would you believe me if I said Portuegese? Were virtually all foreigners in America. While diverse heritage is celebrated and many people take pride in theirs, Americans are also known for their nationalistic and American-centric way of thinking. A bit ironic. That means we love America. We want America and American ideals to succeed and we strongly believe we are right. Well, usually we do anyways.

In terms of language, that means that English is the Way, golden, beautiful, and awefully important, not only in America, but (as I'm finding) in the world. We have little tolerance to foreigners who blindly stumble into America without taking the time to at least learn the darn language. Perhaps it's because with so many ethnic groups to draw from, we have very little we can actually call "American". I can't tell me how many times I've been asked "So what exactly is American food? Hamburgers?" But it's not. It's spaghetti and burritos and tater tots and all sorts of foods that are associated with other parts of the world. But we darn well have a language, even distinctly different from other "versions" of English around the world. Maybe Americans insist on English because losing English is symbolic of losing our culture and values to foreigners.

I was staying at a hotel with a friend once and the guy at the front desk had a thick Mexican accent. As we were walking away, my friend said vehemently "What's he doing here if he doesn't even know the language?" Such comments are not rare in America and many Americans would agree with her assement in a second. In America, we have many minorities and a vibrant cultural background. We have many distinct values that separate us from our European parents, but little tangible evidence of our culture. No costumes (unless you count the Native Americans) to parade in, and our only culinary work of genius has been the McDonald's Big Mac. But we have a language and that brings us all together and more importantly, acts as a symbol of what we consider to be our culture.

If America is a melting pot, Japan is a blob of oil. Nobody comes in, and those that do don't mesh. Foreignes aren't expected to learn the language. With blond hair and blue eyes, you'll likely never not be a foreigner in Japan. If course Japan also has a culture to defend, which it does fiercely, but all of the cultural symbols aren't rooted in one thing (the language) like in America. In America, foreigners are accepted, but often suspiciously. They are here to take our jobs and raise the crime rate. In Japan, foreigners rarely come to stay. They bring money and business to the touristy cities and then return home with pictures and postcards. They are in no danger of losing their language to the mass amount of foreigners simply because the foreigners go home. In Japan, the burden of translation is on the native person. Or to be more accurate, on the Japanese person. When I walk into a temple, even if I'm with my Japanese family, I'm handed a brochure in English. When I buy a drink at the convenient stores, the shopkeeper points the screen instead of saying the price and finishes with a choppy "Tank you! Come again!"

If a man who appeared Mexican walked into a 7-11 in average America and the storekeeper attempted to communicate with him only in Spanish, it would be offensive. It wouldn't happen, excpet maybe in California.

I'm a foreigner in Japan, and while they love me for it, they wouldn't want or let me be anything more. They're always going to give me the Japanese pamphlets and assume I don't know any Japanese. They don't mean to offend me, but they want me feel welcome and they want my business. So strangers who don't remember their English classes in high school frantically turn the other way when they see me coming. I walked into a store once and asked a lady if they carried scissors. She told me to wait a second and called a cooworker who had done well in English in high school to communicate with me.

Man, all that just to say that my host mom gives me letters to take to school instead of talking with me.

Shodan baby!

Good to be back! Man have I missed the internet, especially to document all the changes and events that have happened since I last posted. The biggest event that happened is that I changed host families. I'm now living with an elderly couple that sort of remind me of my Grandma and Grandpa Martins. They live fairly close to five grandchildren and two children, so I get to play big sister again, only now it's like big cousin or aunt or something. Whatever the case, I see all five them at least once a week and boy do I LOVE it. I've missed my own siblings and teaching karate to the little guys and my neighbors and all the kids I see everyday. Of course I still miss them, but these five guys are great and keep me healthy, at the very least. One little five year-old I see every day and we always run around and play and read and do lots of things together. Her mother is always apologizing to me, but really it's me who should be apologizing. I'm the one instigating it and she's the one keeping me company, not the other way around.

And of course, I tested for my shodan in kendo. I passed. It was a completely different test than any of the ten or so tests I've taken in karate (where I'm also a shodan). For reference, I'll explain my karate test. It started on Friday evening when a mafia of black belts watched me teach an advanced kids' class. The kids left and I stayed until about 10:00 PM (about three extra hours) sweating to my Senseis' content. The next morning, we had a rather big testing (maybe 17 or so people) so it took a while to get through the beginning. I showed up the next morning at 10 and went again until lunch, which was around 1 or so. Then we kept going at it until 7, when they finally let me limp my way home. Besides the Friday evening teaching (and other miscellaneous forms of torture), I spent most of the test actually preforming every technique I've ever been taught. I also did numerous katas, a few sparring matches, a few board breaks, and holding stances. By the time the test was over, my Sensei's knew very well where I was and what things I needed to improve. It was a very personal test and no two black tests are identical, as far as I know. The reason is that we are encouraged to make the art our own and so as the martial artist grows in skill, the art starts to become unique to the person. This means that two equally ranked brown belts will probably fight very differently from each, depending on the individual's size, strenghths, and personal preferences. It's often times interesting to see personality taking root in a person's fighting style.

Here's how my kendo test went. We had a rather small testing (only 200 or so people) so it went by rather fast. I came at 9 in the morning, when they removed the strip of cloth from my kendo gear and assigned me the number 82. I sat in seiza for about an hour and in "indian style" for maybe another hour or so until it was my turn to prove that I am worthy of the rank of shodan. This means that for thirty seconds, I swung the shinai to my heart's content, got stopped, and did it again with the next person. And then, I went, took off my gear, and waited to see if I passed or failed. I passed. On to section two, where I aced a written test consisting of two questions. They hand-checked all two hundred questions in a matter of twenty minutes or so and then it was on to section three, where I spent about three minutes performing three very short katas. And then it was over and we waited to see who passed and who failed. I passed. It was completely impersonal and very different from any martial arts test I've taken before.

So my host family is great, my school is great, my kendo is great, life is pretty great. It's been like two weeks since I last had internet access! Man is it good to be back!