If I was God, I'd make every day like today

So Okaasan told me we were going to see something light up. What? I'm not sure. And then slowly I piece together her Japanese. We are going to see Kyoto Station light up. Why? Who cares why. Just go with the flow. No, not the station. Maybe we are going to the station to see Kyoto light up. I assume it's for Christmas, as there have been an increasing amount of Christmas lights going up in my neighborhood. No, we aren't even going to Kyoto Station at all. I in fact have no idea what's going on.

It turned out we went nowhere near Kyoto Eki. We went to a different station to meet my host sister and then my host sis and her friend and I went together to a temple to see the most beautiful thing I've ever seen maybe in my life. France has it's Louvre and Italy has Da Vinci. Poor Japan is so underrated. We went to a temple surrounded by trees. They were lighted perfectly and the colors were magnificent. They are only lighted for five days every year or every fall or something. At one point, all the trees were around this lake and you could see the reflection of the Autumn colors on the water. It was amazing. I wish I could should you. The pictures didn't turn out well because it was so dark. (it was at 7 maybe) There were sooo many people there! Everyone was exclaiming how pretty it was and taking pictures. I even ran into my last host family there! That was really exciting!

I saw some really great art too. I was never really a big fan of Asian art before this year, but I absolutely love it now. Having tried a little shoto, I have more respect for the art form. I can see the strokes made by the ancient artists and respect the skill and sheek beauty of the black ink. Japanese art is so smooth and natural.

Ugg. I'm so tired I might sleep on the computer, but I feel like it's important to tell you about today. Forgive any following mistakes. Between my English being so clumsy and me being so tired, I'm not sure this is going to turn out well. But at least you'll know about today.

So many sites and smells! The smells are what really get me! Cigarette smoke and sesame and people and new clothes and old clothes and chicken and a slight body odor, but nothing really uncomfortable. In fact, I find the smell of cigarette smoke a little comforting. And you look up and see bamboo shoots and red paper lanterns and people! and woman wearing kimonos and I even actually saw a maiko san today! And it's times like that when I realize I am in Japan. What more could I ever want? I really think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world right about now.

I really am falling asleep as I write this. Darn. But good news. School is out. I'll write tomorrow. Oyasumu.

Leaving

Tomorrow is my last day with the Watadas. Wow, they are so incredibly nice. I'm going to miss them. They already promised to visit me in the States at the first convenient time. Is this summer okay? Oh yeah, you won't have left Japan by then. Yeah, so everyone in the States can meet them hopefully next summer. They're serious. They made me a Pinky Promise. I'm so excited to be the translator for them! Haha, I absolutely love it when people ask me what something is in English. It's such a change of roles. And when Taina was over we spoke mostly English and watched everyone else wonder what we were saying. I think we both felt rude, but we both cherished the feeling of being the only ones that knew what was going on, instead of the other way around. But tomorrow, I'm having a goodbye party and Taina is coming. We're speaking Japanese because I also invited a school friend that in fact speaks Japanese.

So tomorrow, the Watada's are throwing me a goodbye party. Thursday I'm changing families. No school on Thursday. Oh, Thursday is Thanksgiving, isn't it? Geez, that snuck up on me. I guess it's easy to forget it when every store doesn't have dancing turkeys inviting you in. Maybe I should do something for Thanksgiving. Haha, a little late desu ne? I haven't seen one turkey, fake or otherwise, since I left the States. how funny.

Anyways, Saturday, I'm going to Fuchiyama with the kendo club to watch the tournament. I'm excited about that. It should be a lot of fun. Sunday, we're returning and Monday through Friday will be test week, which means I stay home and everyone else goes to school and sweats through tests. I love it here. But when the new school year starts in April, I'm going to ask to be put in regular classes I think. I enjoy only being in art and gym and calligraphy and english, but I'm not sure if that defies the point of being here or not.

So while you guys are all finishing this post and getting ready for bed, I'll be waking up and preparing for my goodbye party. How wierd. And now, I'm going to sleep and you're going to go through a whole day. Yish. Goodnight. Good morning.

Packing

So I'm packing again today. My next host family will be coming to pick me up for lunch at 2, where I will meet them and they will pick up the majority of my luggage. Packing is so wierd. I feel the exact same as I did the last time I packed all my 75 pounds or under wordly belongings in two suitcases. Sad but terribly excited. I'm more nervous this time. I'm going home at the end of the year, but I'm never going to live here again. And so many kids have problems with their host families. What if I do too? But I don't think I will. I'm pretty easy to get along with. So yeah. My belongings are slowly (very slowly) disappearing into my bags and my family is running around preparing the house for the Uedas. I'm finding things everywhere. Shoes. Geez, I came with three pairs of shoes - a pair of flip flops, a pair of tennis shoes, and a pair of heeels. I'm leaving with seven. Yes seven. They were so cheap! And cute! I bought a pair of red checked tennis shoes and two pairs of heels. And then my host aunt gave me another pair that were too big for her. Ugg. How am I going to keep the 75 pounds or under weight limit with a whole year in Japan? I'm not sure.

I like packing very much. It's exciting to think of what's next and appeals to my sense of order.

Okay, I've got an hour and a half to finish. I'd better get on it.

As an Ambassador

I really like my job as an American Ambassador. For one, it makes me feel important. For two, people listen to me. They listen to my opinions about Japan and treat my opinons as if they are backed by some kind of authority. As if I am some kind of authority. I like it. It's nice that not only do people listen to me, but they want to. They enjoy my questions and my insight into their culture (and my own).

Today was absolutely amazing. I had kendo practice this morning which was fun. I felt less overwhelmed than I usually do. Less like I'm just randomly swinging the shinai, and more like I'm putting technique into it. Afterwards, Sakai Sensei told me he's going to take me to a kendo test on the 16th of Decemeber. That should be interesting. I don't know Japanese. I don't know kendo very well at all. But I'd like to see what a test is like. And who knows, maybe it'll be fun. Maybe. Saturdays are always spar days, and this was my first Saturday with all the gear. I thought I might get to spar, but it turned out I wasn't able to. But it was incredibly interesting to watch and try to figure out the rules and what makes a good strike. I think I can do this.

After kendo, I met my Brazilian friend at Kyoto Station (my favorite place in Japan) and we went together to my house. Okaasan is so funny. She's probably one the coolest, greatest people in the world and I am sooo lucky I ended up with her. Asukachan got really angry with us for speaking in English, so we tried Japanese until that got too slow. Taina (my friend) and I listened to Jack Johnson, who happens to be both our favorite singers, and ate cake. We were going to my host gramma's house when we got into a car accident. Cool, huh? It was complete with fire, blood, ambulance, and screams. Okay okay, I'm exaggerating. I didn't even realize we were in an accident until Okaasan started apologizing like crazy. My host sister bit her lip pretty badly and insisted on being taken to the hospital. She was fine though. Nobody was hurt besides her, and boy did she play it up. We stayed in the car and watched TV while they figured everything out. Whenever people would look in the window at us (two foriegners and a bloody 7 seven year-old), Asukachan would start crying and screaming. She stopped whenever they weren't looking. Oh brother. I felt so bad for my host mother. Otoosan was angry with her and she had two foreigners and a screaming kid to deal with, on top of causing a three car accident. I wanted to hug her and tell her to calm down. I tried helping, but I couldn't do much more than find tissue for the bloody lip and tell Okaasan to calm way down. But I don't think it did much. Ah well. It was fun. Everyone is okay. Otoosan said Okaasan isn't allowed to drive anymore. Haha, that's funny. I think. He says she has to take the subway from now on. I would be furious if my husband told me that.

So while Asukachan was being rushed frantically to the hospital so the doctors could admire her swollen lip, Okaasan and I returned home. Taina also went to her home. Okaasan and I had a really good talk. It started by me explaining that in America, boys and girls freely talk to each other, but in Japan, they never even look at each other. We ended up talking about her marriage with Otoosan and lots of things about Japanese relationships I was really curious about. She was really great about catering to my curiousity and did not have a problem answering some semi-personal questions. And she recpricated them, which was nice. We talked and compared and when I apoligized for asking personal questions, she said that it's okay because she likes to know what I'm curious about and she wants to help me understand. God I love her. I'm so lucky. I'm in the best country in the best city in the best Rotary Club (really, my friends and I compare clubs and we've decided that mine is the best) and the best family. Except I change in a few days. Maybe they'll be the best too. I hope so.

Kendo Blues

Today was a particularly rough day at kendo. Actually, most days are particularly rough. I can keep up just fine. I've been practicing everything they give me and working hard to understand as much as I can. I felt pretty good until my gear got here. With the gear on, I feel big and clunky. It's disorienting. I can't hear the instructions very well. When I can hear, I can't understand very well. The shinai stops being an extension of my arm and starts being a stick. It's hard to explain. I'm so big that it takes all my focus to figure out where I am and I have nothing left for getting the technique right. And it's like that feeling when you spar. When you spar in karate, you're supposed to be so focused and unthinking that things just come. A little like a kata. During regular class, I'm always thinking about where I am and where my opponent might be and what I'm doing right and wrong and how to improve. But when you spar, it's much easier just to not think. Only I've never been good at that. But in kendo, you're always supposed to not think. You're supposed to scream when you strike. It's so hard for me to completely lose myself every day for a few hours. Maybe once a few weeks for 20 minutes is okay, but still difficult. I'm not good at kendo. I'm pretty bad, actually. I'm frustrated that I do things wrong even when I know better. I'm frustrated that I know how to lock my body but that I'm not doing it. I'm frustrated that I can't understand when people try to help me. I hate just staring at them and shrugging. I feel so stupid when I do that. And they're so nice and patient. But I can't hear with the men gear. And today, I didn't wear contacts, so I couldn't see either. I kept missing the target and when they showed me on the shinai where I'm supposed to hit, I had trouble explaining that I had no idea what they were saying and I couldn't see either. Ugg. So I can't hear. I can't see. I can't talk. All I can smell is me. What does that leave? Touch? From now on, I'm wearing contacts every day. No more glasses.

It's only 10:30 PM and I'm soooo mecha tired. Goodnight.

the monster in us all

Hey all. I just returned from an amazing three day trip down through Southern Japan. It was pretty incredible. I went to Hiroshima via bus along with maybe 11 other exchange students from around the world. Last time we met, we often tried to speak Japanese together just to practice and show off a little. This time, we had so much to say to each other, we just spoke in whatever language we could to get the point across. Sometimes, us native English speakers would get in such a frenzy and start talking too fast. The others would ask us to repeat ourselves, and suddenly, Japanese would be flying out. It was a mad bonanza of languages. I actually found myself saying "Bonjour amigo! Kino, I saw a neco at my house! Sugoi, ne?" Languages are incredible. I'm in love with words and sounds and the way everything fits so perfectly together, especially in Japanese. I don't know if Japanese is really any more difficult than the Romance languages when it comes down to it. The grammar is fairly simple and the rules don't have very many exceptions. Japanese is absolutely more daunting than most languages I know of, but probably not really very much more difficult.

Anyways, the most interesting part of my incredibly fantastic trip was the walk the Hiroshima's memorial. It was staggering. Exactly what I expected it to be, and yet, I was overwhelmed and surprised all the same. It hurt to go through the museum and if I'd have been with my mom (the biological, American one) I would have cried. I wanted her to be there to hold my hand. I wanted someone to tell me it was all a horrible prank. I wanted to stop hurting for all the melting children in the pictures. I didn't expect Hiroshima to have such an effect on me. I mean, I knew the details. I've thought about it extensively enough. Nobody has hidden any truth from me. And yet, there they were, beneath my feet, in the air, on the black on photos, calling out for relief from there torture. I hate how vivid my mind is. I hate that I could hear the sobs and feel the shock.

I am afraid America made a grave grave mistake. I'm afraid it was worse than a mistake. I've been tought that the choices, while difficult, were limited. Invade Japan and prolong the war, or swiftly take out a couple of cities with the a-bomb and bring immediate peace. I'm afraid. I'm shocked. I'm ashamed.

I was proud of our insistance of "unconditional surrendor" when I learned about it in history. I was pleased to know our great nation stood firmly on it's values. All Japan wanted was to keep it's emporer. Why did we insist on unconditional surrendor? Why didn't we warn them directly and outright that we had the a-bomb? Why wasn't every single damn alternative considered? Why did we bomb Nagasaki so soon after Hiroshima? Why didn't we listen to the Japanese try to negotiate peace? In the end, the only condition they really wanted, the retention of the emporer, was accepted anyways. Couldn't we have skipped the Hiroshima step?

I guess in the end, it doesn't matter if the deaths served a purpose or not. The mothers certainly weren't proudly holding there burning babies, pleased they were helping to bring about peace. No amount of crying can change what happened. No amount of questioning and wondering can make it okay.

And yet, my faith in my country has been badly shaken. Not only did we (they?) do such an aweful thing, but it was not last resort. In America, we debated about it in history class. Was Hiroshima necessary? In Japan, the idea that the issue is even devatable would be astonishing. I'm so afraid of what we did.

And now what do I do with this heavy feeling? How do I come to terms with it? How can I use it to make things better? Can I make things better?

Universal Studios

I don't have much time to post, but I thought I'd let you know how USJ was this weekend. Amazing. I'm ashamed to say I didn't make a very good ambassador. I screamed at the top of my lungs while my little host sister laughed her tush off. At first, I tried screaming in Japanese, which was pretty funny. I screamed things like "Dangerous! Dangerous!" and "HEELP!" and "Okay, finished. Let's finish. Okay. Finished. Finished." and ended up reverting to my natural roller coaster scream "AHHH!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" and once it hit me that no one on the whole roller coaster could understand me, so I added some choice words I would never scream at the top of my lungs in normal circumstances. Freedom of speech is utterly complete when nobody understands you.

Okay, it's way too late. Night.

I'm Sick

You know what I like about my body? It can't be fooled. I can trick myself into not being cold. I can push myself past pain. I can convince myself I don't have to use the restroom. I can force happiness if I feel the need. I can make it through a 13 hour black belt test only barely breaking a sweat. But my body knows the truth. The next day, I'm sick from the cold that wasn't there, or bruised from the pain I didn't feel. It's a healthy reminder to me that I'm not near as invincible as I've convinced myself I am. Not only does my body react from being cold for too long, it knows what to do. It tells me to slow down and sleep. It tells me what foods to eat and which muscles need relaxed. I think bodies are absolutely amazing.

I worked out today for the first time with the full kendo gear. It was hard! I've worked so much on those few basic moves and felt okay with them. And then I put on the gear and I could barely do anything. Lots of times, I was paired up with people that would forget that it was my first time, which I liked best. I like being expected to follow along. But the head gear blinds the sides, which I find extremely uncomfortable. I'm expected to fight without being able to see beside me?! And I'm clunky and akward and heavy in all that stuff. In karate, my fortes are my speed and my flexible. Now I'm slow and who cares if I can do the splits? I felt sort of like I was carrying my cello around. I was too big and didn't know where all of me was. Does that make sense? In karate (way of the open hand), I know exactly where I am. I know how far I need to be to throw a successful technique. I know how to react. In kendo, I think I'm one place, but all that gear means I'm really somewhere else. And in kendo-ists take turns hitting the gear with the shinai. Whenever someone went to swing one at me, I instinctively jumped out of the way or went to block it. Woops. Have to get over that.

One of my friends told me after school that I shouldn't go to kendo today. I asked why and she said because I'm miserably sick. But I have to go to kendo, I said. I can't miss just because I hurt a little. She asked me why. If I miss, Sensei will be really angry with me. Besides, missing isn't really even an option. I have to go. Who will teach if I miss? Who can I call in on such short time. Oh wait. Different Sensei. Different art. Different teacher. I guess I could miss. And then she asked me why I even went to school today. Duh. I didn't want to fall behind. I didn't want to miss assignments. I didn't want to be a problem for the people who would have to catch me up. I didn't want a little sickness to control me. Oh wait. What am I going to fall behind in, gym? English? My empty study periods? Okay, tomorrow if I'm this sick, I'm staying home.

I think a big reason is that I AM paranoid about control. If I'm sick, I absolutely go to school. If I'm running on zero sleep, I go to school and karate and even stay up late just to punctuate my point. That's not healthy. It should stop. I should take hints from my all-knowing body.

My kendo stuff is here!!!!!!!

Today has been absolutley magnificent. I finally memorized my 24 word vocab list. The seats on the subway were heated!!!! And I bought a hot lemonade-like beverage out of the vending machine on my way home from school. My kendo gear finally got here just as I was about to leave kendo, which means tomorrow is my big day! I will work out the whole day, instead of with them for the first 20 minutes and watching for most of the rest of the time. I love love love learning. That's probably the best thing about kendo. And everyone is a higher rank than me, so anyone can tell me when I mess up. Woohoo! I love it. I'm understanding more everyday. Nakai Sensei told me today that I'm learning the language faster than any other exchange student he's worked with. That made me feel good. I wore shorts under my skirt today. Have you ever worn pj's under your skirt? Whenever I do, I feel really sneaky and unbelievably clever. Haha, I felt a little bit like that whenever I thought of my shorts, though they didn't really do anything to help keep me warm, so it was a waste of cleverness.

I really enjoy learning Japanese. I like that every time I learn a word, I find many occasions to use it. Like, have you ever learned a fact you never knew and then suddenly, you hear the fact everywhere and you wonder why you haven't heard of it before? That's how I feel with words. I have more words than I use in a day. Haha, isn't that a funny thing to be proud of?

At Kyoto Eki, there's this huge, beautiful Christmas tree. I take the long way through the station just so I can see it. Tomorrow, I will take a picture of it. I love Kyoto Station and I think the Christmas tree is magnificent. Haha, under it, it says in big letters "Merry X-mas!"

I'm going to come home with a lot of things, I'm thinking. Hopefully a new language, lots of new clothes, a killer immune system, a nose ring (kidding), kendo knowledge, and a ton of pictures. But I don't know if I'm going to gain a lot of character while I'm here. I don't mind. I like my character just fine. Besides, I have my whole life to build character and only a year to enjoy Japan. I like being happy. To be honest, I expected my exchange to be a lot more difficult than this. Maybe I'm jinxing myself.

How nice

Today, I was walking home with my little host sis. I was deep in thought and not really paying attention to anything when she told me I should smile. "What?" I said, figuring I had misunderstood her. Nope, she told me I'm really beautiful when I smile. Aww. She's seven years old and really asked me to smile so I would look pretty. That made me feel pretty good. She loves how western I look. When she has friends coming over, she asks me to put on my contacts so they can see how blue my eyes are. Hehe. I love it here.

Nihongo

Japanese is difficult! I'm glad I'm working from a textbook, otherwise it would be hard to see the actual progress I'm making. It's so slow. I want the whole language! I want to say anything! I want to understand everything I hear! Sometimes, I feel like I'm not moving at all, just flipping through my text and emptily listening to the people around me. That's the most frustrating thing, that I can't understand everyone. Sometimes, I want to scream "SLOW DOWN!! One sentence at a time, dude!" Every morning, my homeroom teacher reads the announcements, and every morning, I almost understand them. But not enough. Never enough.

Nakai Sensei told me some frustrating news today. He said that I shouldn't expect to go home fluent and that I should focus on being able to make myself understood and to learn the rhythm of Japanese. He said it'll be much easier to learn the language when I go home if I have the rhythm down. He also said that I'm learning much faster than most exchange students he deals with (he has one every few years for twenty years, maybe), my pronunciation is great, and that if I keep up my work I will go home with a working knowledge of Japanese. He also says that these next few months will probably the most difficult, especially linguistically and that I shouldn't get frustrated. Only they talk and talk and I catch glimpses of phrases I know, but I can't understand. Every successful conversation is something I take pride in, and I usually have a few a day, but I want MORE! Every book promises that it's can teach me the language in a few short weeks, but it's been two months. I know, I didn't expect to be fluent in two months and it's ridiculous to be disappointed that I'm not, but it's getting old.

My next family knows no English, I hear. Good. And I'm going to make Nakai Sensei talk to me more in Japanese. And I'm going to study more.

Today, despite the negativity emanating from this post, was fairly good. Kendo was a little slow but that'll change when I get my gear. Oh, we're going to a tournament somewhere maybe west of here. I can't participate, but it's an overnight trip and I'm invited. I get to stand on the sides and scream "FIGHTO! FIGHTO!! NICE-O FIGHTO!!" I absolutely love that. I think it's one of the funniest things ever. I didn't know what they were saying the first time I heard it and when I finally figured it out, I cracked up. It's a fairly common cheer here. Even the kendo no Sensei screams it somethimes.

And my host ma's mother came over today to celebrate her 58th birthday. That was fun. She said she's really impressed with my Japanese. I tried denying it, but she pointed out that the last time she came, I could barely speak to her and now I can keep up in conversations and make myself understood fairly easily, and it's only been a month. I said I wasn't good enough yet. I hate denying compliments. I wanted to run into her arms and tell her that really made me feel good. In the end, I smiled and thanked her. How American am I allowed/supposed to be? Zen zen? A little? A lot? I don't know.

Tomorrow (Friday) is a holiday, but I have kendo practice for a few hours. Afterwards, I'm either going to try to do something with my friends or go searching for a camera card reader and a notebook. Saturday is kendo and Obaasan's house and my phone home day (hurray!). Sunday I meet my next family. Yikes. I hope they're nice. But I'm looking forward to it. It should be fun and I've already met the father. Oh yeah, and I'm meeting them at the dog party they're throwing. I asked my host parents what happens at a dog party and they laughed and said they had no idea. How amazing is that? They're throwing a party for/in honor of their dogs. They can't be too terrible.

A Cultural Misunderstanding?

Today was wierd. I was in my shodo class (Japanese calligraphy) and the Sensei (teacher) was writing out the kanji (word) I was going to do today. He wrote it for me then turned to leave. "Wait!" I thought, "You didn't write the stroke order! Come back!" I did some fast thinking and said in Japanese "Chotto motte!" which literally means a little bit stop. I meant to say "Don't leave yet!" He turned around and laughed. I KNOW "Chotto motte" means wait just a second. I use it every day when I talk to my little host sis, and she uses it with me and with Okaasan. How could he be laughing? At first, I thought he heard me wrong, but then I realized that everyone at my table was laughing. In fact, within moments, the whole class was laughing. I don't mind being laughed at, but it was a little frustrating that I was using a perfectly standard phrase and they were pretty much telling me I was wrong. My Sensei asked me who taught me the phrase and I said I wasn't sure, I just heard it a lot. He told me the stroke order I wanted and walked away. My friend told me I shouldn't say that to teachers. I left off the "please." What?! All that fuss because I didn't say "please"? I laughed and apologized to my teacher (impolitely, I later learned), thanked him for the stroke order (impolitely, I later learned), and went to work, thinking the ordeal was over. Only, he didn't say anything to me the whole class, whereas he is usually hovering over me telling me everything I'm doing is wrong and helping me to do it right. Either my shodo suddenly got really good or I offended him. Later, I overheard one of my friends saying that he was angry with me. I had no idea that he was angry. He was laughing for goodness sakes. What's the big deal?

So there are some lessons to be gleaned from this. Just because I know a word doesn't mean I know how to use it. The Japanese are really really big on politeness, especially when it's a student-teacher relationship. While I have many privilages as a foreigner, forgetting to say "please" isn't one of them. The Japanese are really wierd about showing anger. But, I was the only that didn't pick up on his anger, so it's possible (probable) that they aren't so wierd and I just don't know the signs to look for. NEVER give a teacher a direct order, such as "Wait just a second." They're really big on being indirect and subtle. Double check the Japanese you learn from a 7 year-old. I need to get really really comfortable with the polite form of verbs and other words.

Also, there have been teachers at the front gate of school every morning this week checking uniforms. It's really intimidating. They all scowl and stomp their feet and make kids get off their bikes so they can be inspected. It's intense. At the stop light before school, all the kids were adjusting their ties and straightening their socks. Nobody had rolled up skirts. And lo and behold, not a thing was said to me except "Good morning!" (in english) . Wierd, eh? I won't complain though. I told my host mom and she said it's because my uniform was perfect, but I had my doubts. They pick on everyone but me, and I've escaped them every day this week, which is unheard of. My theory is that nobody wants to have to be the one to speak English to the poor little gaijin. My host mom agrees with this theory and claims I'm pretty lucky. Sweet.

And my kendo instructor is really great. He makes sure I speak politely to him, but he doesn't get angry about it when I mess up (at least, I didn't think he does, but maybe...). The first time I saw him in the halls I smiled and said "Ohaiyoo!" really cheerfully. He shook his head and explained to me that was a very rude way to greet teachers and told me very carefully how I should greet him in the future. And then, he goes out of his way to say good morning to me just to make sure I say it right back to him. I'm grateful. He gave me a list of terms that I should know for kendo and takes me aside every class to see how I'm doing. He's not of afraid of the language barrier, like I suspect some of the club members are, and corrects me frequently. Yesterday, one of the kids said that he really likes me. Haha, she said I'm his favorite. In the States, that's not such a good thing. Here, I don't know. I'll take it if it means I'll get lots of help.

I can handle the language. I can even deal with the huge grammatical changes. I feel like I'm doing well - today I aced a quiz my Japanese teachers made for me. It's not anything that studying and trying can't manage. But the culture... I'm more confident that I'll be semi-fluent in Japanese than in the culture. Everything is different. People expect different things from me here than they did in the States. It's obvious, but sometimes I forget it. Sometimes, I almost get comfortable with my life, and then days like today jolt me awake and remind me to be wary and observent. Haven't Tara and Scott taught me anything? If you let your gaurd down, you're going to get punched in the face sooner or later. Sooner, usually. That's a lesson I've already learned too many times.