School Uniforms; the nitty gritty

If my school in America had insisted I wear a school uniform, I would have vehemently protested. I would have hated it. I would have done little things, like wrinkle my socks on purpose or tie my tie wrong just to assure myself that I am not completely powerless. I felt degraded enough when they made the dress code my Sophmore year. Not because they were telling me to change what I was wearing (my wardrobe didn't change at all due to the dress code), but because I hated that they were telling me I was too young and immature to pick out my own clothes. I felt that if people wanted to wear really low cut shirts to school, why not let them? It's their own choice and if anything, it's important that we learn to make these kind of choices before we hit college.

And now I'm in Japan, obediently donning the uniform of a high school student, taking out all my earrings before school, and hiding the pony-tail holder wrapped around my wrist under my school sweater. I make sure my shirt is not wrinkled and constantly tug my socks up in the train, hoping that they won't slide down between the station and school (there really is an art to wearing long socks without having them roll down). When I pass a teacher in the hall, I give a small bow and during assemblies, I sit up as straight as I can and hope the sit-up-straight-and-fix-your-tie patrol won't see me. If there was such a patrol in my school in America, I would absolutely slouch and undo my tie just out annoyance and indignance that such a patrol exists. I know, some rebel I make undoing my tie and *gasp* slouching.

The truth is I don't hate Japanese school uniforms and I don't really mind the discipliners either. It's hard to explain this to someone who's never been in a Japanese school. My school particularly is big on discipline and nobody rolls up their skirts or dies their hair (telltale signs of a rebel). It's not as degrading as I thought it might be. In fact, it's almost the opposite of degrading (grading? undegrading?) in how sharp-looking they are. No sexy. No hot. Makeup is a huge no-no as is jewlery and perms. They really check too. Nobody thinks to complain that businessmen (American) have to wear suits and ties to work. It's professional looking. It gives the air (as in auro) of confidence, trustworthiness, focus, intelligence, and someone in control of his surroundings. In karate, we wear a uniform for tradition's sake, practicality, that sharpness and in controlness, a sense of uniformity and thus team-liness, and so wardrobe isn't a concern. Certainly nobody protests to work suits (at least, I don't think they do). Well, okay, Dad does try to get away with ripped up Bob Marley shirts when he can get away with it, but even he dons the suit when he needs to. Every male older than 5 in the US has probably worn a suit at least once. Because it looks sharp. It feels sharp. And face, little boys are adorable in suits.

School is one of the most important undertakings in a person's life. It almost seems a mockery to run around in jeans or pajamas or shorts that pass as underwear. Just how important is creativity and independence? I can't believe it's me thinking that. I think my school and most Japanese schools in general go way overboard with the concept of uniformity, but their something we could learn from them.

I really love that sex is not an aspect in Japanese schools. Nobody dresses to impress. Back in September, I was sympathizing with a fellow exchange student, who complained that she wished she could dress nicely, at least for herself. I agreed. Now I take pride in my uniform. I feel sharp. I look clean in it (ironic, seeing as I wear it every day), feel more capable even. It's not that I was particularly self-conscious about my style in the States. I love shopping and picking out clothes. I found it a fun part of my daily routine. But I've sold my soul to the plaid skirt and slidy socks and it feels good. Instead of degraded, I feel more dignified and that other people are more willing to take me serioiusly. The school demands that we take each other seriously via uniforms. In the beginning, I felt it a little uncomfortable (to point of scary) not to be able to put myself forward by my clothes. On the first day of school, I couldn't tell everyone if I was goth or artsy or hippy or preppy or jock. Of course, American high school students all hate those labels, but we use them even on ourselves and I think we even take comfort in being able to define ourselves in such a simple and obvious way as clothes. Our appearance is the first impression we give, and thus everyone tries to put as much personality into their appearance as they can (at least in high school). For example, I dressed like the artsy kids. I wanted people to know that I consider myself creative and fun, but maybe a little socially akward. I instinctively avoided the kids who wore all black and white makeup because we generally don't have a lot in common. I am judgemental, but really I only take what people expect me to take when they put the clothes on. They define themselves and I read the definition.

Japanese uniforms aren't good because you can't judge other people, rather you can't define yourself so simply. You are forced to put personality on the table before other people can define you. I found it uncomfortable not to be able to tell everyone right off the bat who I am and what kind of values I hold. But I've found that when I'm not wearing the mask of my daily clothes, people define me differently than I ever would have. If I was the nerdy kind that wanted nerdy friends, I would have to find more creative ways to let everyone know that. In the process of advertising myself, people would learn about my personality along the way. And maybe I would make friends that weren't nerdy and learn that I wasn't as nerdy as I thought.

And there's the self-respect that comes from not constantly trying to impress the guys. I can't wear shirts that show off my breasts or feel good about hairless legs. Of course it feels good to be attractive and sometimes I miss being able to look really great, but it feels even better to be confident about my appearance on a day-to-day basis.
Of course this Japan and Japan will always be different from the States. Makeup will never leave high schools in America and I'm not even sure if it should. We have different values in the States that aren't bad values (decision making, creativity, individuality), but contradict the values that school uniforms represent. It's hard to compare or say which is better because they're different places that care about different things. Japan, a nearly homogenous society, doesn't want to leave anyone behind. The wealth distribution is much more even here in Japan (ironically I'm richer here than I'll probably ever be again - yeah Rotary!) and they want to take care of everyone. It's obvious that school uniforms are both a representation of that value, and the way to promote that value. Thus school uniforms are obviously the way to go. But Japanese students have a hard time making decisions by themselves. They virtually never raise their hand in class, even (especially) when the teacher asks a question. In America, it's important to be at the top of something. If you know the answer, you should raise your hand. If you're the prettiest, you're going to be more successful. If you're the smartest or the most athletic, you have a great chance of getting into school. We actually have different levels of math in high school. Thus a smart Freshman can be in the same math class as a Senior. From that point of view, school uniforms are hindersome and backwards.

I wish I could explain it better. I wish I could take you to school and put you in a uniform and let you know what it's like to be one a group, let you feel everything, from the stern glare of the teachers checking uniforms to the solidarity of standing and bowing as a group before every class. I wish you feel what it's like to address teachers politely and to bow to neighbors in the street. It's so different. Not overwhelmingly different like it was before, and not bad or scary or annoying like it was before. Different. Just different. Everything makes more sense than it did before, and while I loved Japan a month ago, now my love has grown to a deeper respect, and of course, the excitement is still here

A lot of the things I really love about Japan just wouldn't work in the States. The significance would be lost and the culture just wouldn't translate (do you know that the U.S. has a culture? Of it's own? It's not just a hosh-posh of borrowed lands, like I had thought of it before. We have our very own values). This is both an exciting and dissapointing discovery. How can I use this experience if in the end, it boils down to a difference in mindsets? I had expected to find some things that work better in Japan, but all I'm finding are differences. Is that it then? Learn the differences, study the culture, and then go home empty-handed? Nothing to offer the Rotarians who sent me here, or my family and friends and you readers. I didn't expect to change the world, but I was counting on some insight on ways to go about it should I ever choose to.

On the other hand, it's really really exciting to learn that this culture goes way beyond chopsticks and bowing. Every minute is a learning opportunity. I'm surrounded by it. Imagine! Everyone actually holds different ideas of what's right than what I've been taught. Even smart people I respect think differently. One of the reasons I don't think english or any language will ever become completely universal is because there is so much culture hidden in the language. What does it tell you that the Japanese have like eight different ways to say please? Or that instead of saying "Good luck!" before an important event, they say "Work hard!"

Things are going well. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. My little brother's birthday, only America is a day behind.

I'm sooooo tired....

Yesterday evening, I went out with my host sister for a year-ending-forgetting party, where you drink away the year's problems and prepare to start fresh. Everything's about starting fresh these days. It seems that every preparation we make is to end the year and start a completely different, new year. One not hindered by the mistakes of this year. I'm game.

The party was a lot of fun. The kids were aged 26-32 years old. I would never have called someone that much older than me a kid before I stayed with this family. I feel like Japanese thirty year-olds are much closer in age to me than Japanese 16 year-olds (who I have class with). I don't know if they're any more immature than American 30 year-olds, but I really enjoyed myself. They thought I was freaking adorable. In the elevator, I introduced myself to everyone and someone said "Kawaii!!!" (Cuuute!!!!) Everyone in the elevator agreed. I chuckled and said thanks and everyone was really surprised. "You understood that?!" Yes. I've been here for a little over four months! Come on now. Actually, I met one really interesting guy. He was born in New Jersey and lived there until he was 9, when he moved to Japan with his Japanese parents. After three years, he said he forgot all English he had known until he went to England, where he lived for maybe three years. He got fluent in English pretty fast, but spoke it with a British accent. He went to college and got a degree in international studies, where he interacted with a lot of Americans. He said he was a little embarassed to tell people he had an American nationality with his British accent and Japanese parents. Personally, I think that's awesome. So the point is, his English was beyond perfect. I didn't even know it until a few hours into the party. He told me that he's hosted many many exchange students and he's never heard anyone pick up the language so fast. And he told me that when he heard me say I haven't been studying for very long, he assumed that was just Japanese modesty and that I've been studying for around five years or something. Sweet! What a nice compliment! It made me feel pretty good. He asked me what was my motivation, as I've already graduated high school and have no intention of majoring in Japanese when I'm in college. What's my motivation?! Every time I have to ask someone to repeat what they said, I'm a little more motivated to study. Every time I start drooling in class because the teacher is talking to fast for me to understand, I'm a little more motivated. Every time I am frustrated that I can't get somewhere by myself because I can't read kanji, I'm a little more motivated. Motivation is surrounding me. I told him that I have no intention of coming out of this fluent in Japanese, but seeing as I only have a year, I'd like to get as much down as possible. The idea of a language is exciting. He hinted that fluency might not be impossible at this rate.

Personally, I'm pretty sure I won't be fluent. But I will be able to understand most everything I hear. And hopefully, I'll be able to read a little too. I'll be happy if I can talk with ease, without stopping and thinking as I'm talking. I don't want to set unrealistic goals, but I don't want to sell myself short either. But actually, I don't even need to make any long term goals. What I'm doing now seems to be working just fine (studying and listening).

Anyways, the party was fun. Everyone was drunk by midnight (except me of course) and after the party, we went to a bar and drank more (except me of course) at this amazing place that had a six-page menu consisting of different kinds of alcoholic beverages (and orange juice) and cheezy french fries. We finished around 3:00 AM, but the trains weren't running until 5:00, so we searched Osaka for a place to socialize (read: sleep!) for the next two hours. We finally found ourselves in a karaoke bar and everyone stretched out on the benches and fell asleep. I returned home around 6:45, went to sleep, and woke up around 9:30 for my hair cut. It was the most expensive hair cut I've ever gotten in my entire life. It was around $50 and included a shampoo, cut, and style. Same as what I usually get in the States for around $15. Actually, it's a really nice cut and I highly recommend coming to Japan to get your hair cut! It's the best cut I've ever got, and he even showed me how to style it. The longest layer goes to my shoulders and the shortest just above my chin. Very chic. I'm pleased with it.

So I went home, ate curry udon, and will now finally sleep. Good night.

It's hard to believe it's almost January

Today I went to kendo practice only to find I was the only there. It was 9:00 during my winter break. I checked the schedule and it turns out they changed the practice time to 1:00 and I hadn't understood the announcement. A little bit of a bummer. The is the second I went to kendo too early, but the first time was my own fault. I wrote down the time right and they told me right, but I just went at the wrong time. I feel like I shouldn't take offense or be upset. I don't want them to baby me after all. I want to be a part of the club. I feel stupid when they have to take me aside and tell me all the announcements slowly and in words I can understand. But I appreciate it even as I feel stupid. And not knowing Japanese isn't something I'm ashamed of. It's not like I'm not working hard or not trying. Also, I was the only kid at school this morning. That's really rare. There are virtually always clubs practicing, except for on Sundays. During most holidays and even on the week before tests when no club was allowed to practice, there were clubs out there working hard. Something must have been going on this morning that caused all clubs to be postponed or cancelled. I wonder what it is.

Ah well. I'm home now. Going out with friends later this evening. That should be a lot of fun.

Merry Christmas!

Right now, it is Christmas in just about every part of the world. I love Christmas. Have a good one.

My Christmas Eve

I feel like I should record everything because this is a really exciting time. Today was Christmas Eve, though my familiy in the States are just waking up and starting the day off. I celebrated with my family in a very interesting, non-traditional way. The highlight of my day started when we went grocery shopping for dinner. We bought stuff for crab nabo, which is amazingly delicious, and the ingredients of chocolate chip cookies, at my request. We went home (my host parents and I), made and ate the nabo, and I started on my cookies, with Okaasan close at hand. It was nice. We made them together. She would add the ingredients while I stirred or I would measure something out while she greased. It was a good time. Her first time making (and later eating) chocolate chip cookies, so I felt a little pressure to make them wonderful. =) While we were doing this, Otoosan set up the Nintendo Wii he bought the family as a Christmas present (actually, he just bought it - I pretty arbitrarily decided that it was a Christmas present). We finished the cookies, which turned out really good, though a little different from what I'm used to. Measurements weren't a problem, though it was a little difficult coping with a lack of oven. Can you believe it? My family doesn't have an oven. And they're rich. We used the microwave oven, but the timing was wierd. In the magazine my host mom bought, the instructions said to press the cookie button and wait about thirty minutes for "American cookies" (not chocolate chip). My instructions said to set the temperature to 375 degrees F and wait nine to eleven minutes. Okaasan said I had to be wrong, so she pressed the cookie button and proceeded to wait thirty minutes. About fifteen minutes into it, I commented on how perfect they were and how we should take them out. "Okay, after fifteen more minutes." "But then they'll be really hot!" (I don't know how to say burnt). "Cookies are supposed to be hot." "But not black! Black cookies aren't good!" So she let me take them out and they were perfect. She was really excited about the smell. So was I. So were the dogs. It filled the whole house and I greedily drank in the familiarity. We finished and I explained some customs that they found ridiculous ("You mean Santa leaves presents in a giant sock?! Doesn't it smell bad? What if you have small feet?"). I also told a flimsy version of the Christmas Story (you know, with Jesus and everything) and was excited about how eager they listened. Too bad nobody listens like that when I know the language. I told about my family's own traditions (we always leave cookies out for Santa and a carrot or some other veggie out Rudolph) and what exactly we celebrate. We ate cookies and exchanged some presents. Otoosan bought me his present a few weeks ago, when we went shopping together. A nice cashmere turtleneck that cost more than all the clothes I brought with me to Japan, maybe. Okaasan gave me my favorite movie in the whole world that I've completely missed since switching houses - Totoro! Man I'm so happy about that. It felt like Christmas. I gave them a West Virginia calendar my Mom sent from home (thanks, it was perfect!) and a c.d. of Christmas carols I bought here in Japan. So we listened to Christmas carols and talked more and ate more cookies and I was happy. Otoosan fell asleep to the Christmas music and Okaasan flipped through the calendar asking about the various scenes. It felt very much like Christmas. I'm glad I made the cookies. Even if the brown sugar isn't really brown sugar here in Kyoto.

Christmas actually doesn't start until tomorrow. Hah, I didn't think I was allowed to tell them to save their presents for a day. Besides, what does it matter? Christmas is a feeling, not a day. I'm not upset that I'm missing out on Christmas at home (though I remembered that I haven't eaten a candy cane in about a year). I'm glad that I can share it with these people that have been so wonderful to me. Tomorrow, I'm not going to kendo practice like originally planned. I'm going to my host ma's friend's house to learn how to make Omochi or something like that for the New Years.

I carry Christmas in my heart. That is a good feeling.

Christmas!!!

Guess what?! Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! I can't believe it. It feels like it should be another four or five months at least. So anyone curious about how I'm going to celebrate my first Christmas abroad? Well, I'm going to kendo practice of course. For four to five hours. And then I'm coming home and studying while I wait for my parents to get home. And then I'll probably eat yakisoba or something and then I'll take a bath and go to bed. But I'll have to do something. At first, I considered taking a day off from kendo on account of it being a particularly important day in my culture, but then I couldn't really think of a reason why. My parents will both be at work and my host sister will be in New York (a little ironic), so I'd just be home alone probably dwelling on the fact that I'm spending Christmas in my little room all alone. I thought going to kendo was a better alternative. I'm actually not so upset. It would be different if there were signs of Christmas everywhere, like in the States, but there's rarely any Christmas music and nobody (but me) says "Merry Christmas" when they depart and there's just not much festivity. Here, Christmas is a holiday for lovers and for children, not so much for families and religion. So I'm celebrating by dressing in traditional Samurai clothes and learning how to kill opponents with a bamboo sword. Meanwhile, I'm preparing by downloading and listening to Christmas music, buying presents for my host family, wearing festive clothes, and trying to get the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. I don't even know if I should call my family when they're opening presents. It'll be the day after Christmas for me. Or maybe Christmas night.

It's fun explaining what I do for Christmas to my friends. We all did a Secret Santa type thing (where everyone draws a name and secretly buys a present for the person they picked) because my friends thought it sounded like fun after I explained it to them. We spent about $15 on each other, and I was interestingly the only that didn't spend the majority of it on junk food. I think it's because the houses are so small that they have no room for extra clutter. It's a good thing I was only allowed two suitcases, because there's so little storage space for all my stuff.

On the other hand, everyone is preparing extensively for a big New Years. Year of the boar is coming up and it's all my friends are talking about. I discovered that we're holding a huge party at my host house and all the relatives and neighbors and close to 100 people will be gathered at my house to eat New Years food, play New Year's games, and help bring in the New Year. And then we have the week off for continued celebrations. I'm really excited. This is going to be a really spectacular New Years.

Oh, and I sparred Sakai Sensei today for the first time. It was rather successful, I felt. Okay, of course he creamed me, but I didn't just stand there stupidly. It was a little frustrating that I wasn't so mobile as I'm used to in karate. Sensei Cummings of White Eagle always tells us that we have four weapons - two feet and two hands. We are instructed to always be considering which weapon to use. Our feet and weight should be situated so that we can easily access at least two, if not three or four weapons. At any moment, you should have a wide variety of options. You can also easily see a person's fighting style right away. Do they keep their weight evenly distributed? Are they fast? Do they like kicks? Do they go around strikes, or intecept them? Do they prefer opening blocks or closing blocks? Do they aim for the head or the body or elsewhere? In kendo there are three legitimate striking points and a few variations on how you can strike. Because of that, you are much more limited in what you can do (especially if you're a beginner). There is one stance that I know and I've seen one person do it from the other side. I only know the stance on my right side. Because the shinai is so huge, it's very easy to see it coming. In karate, you should always have your hands up for a few reasons. The biggest is so that if someone goes to strike you, you'll be ready for it. A not so obvious reason is so that when you decide to strike someone, you'll be ready and the opponent won't know it until it's too late. In kendo, there's a position to put your hands. If you move from that position, you're leaving your stomach region open and are bound to get hit. You can't put one hand up and leave one hand down. You have one weapon, and that's the shinai. Your weapon can only be in one place at one time. You can't go for the head with a hand and then fake out and kick the solar plexis. When I see a strike coming for the head, I can lift up the shinai, but I often forget to lift both hands and get hit anyways. And I have a lot of trouble returning the hits. As soon as you block a technique, you should automatically return it, but in kendo, the weapon is so big that as soon as you block a hit, you're usually too close to do any real damage to the person. On top of that, I feel all akward and my shinai is jumbled up and I have to get out of striking distance to straighten myself again. Does this make any sense? An interesting thing that I like is that size isn't an advantage (of course, now that I'm not the smallest anymore...) in kendo. Everyone's distance is the same - the length of the shinai.
One more problem I'm having is turning my back. In karate, if you turn back you might as well be dead. Spin techniques are strongly discouraged until a student is fast and sure enough to do them, simply because to spin means to turn your back deliberately on the opponent. That's access to your kidneys and the back of your head and neck and your spine and you have no very little protection back there. In kendo, you're supposed to run past your opponent with many of the techniques. Running past is part of the technique. I've been doing this funny little half run, where as soon as I passed my opponent, I'd face them again and be running half backwards and half sideways. Sakai Sensei told me I look a little like a horse and besides that, my technique is all wrong when I do that. So I forced myself to expose my bare, unprotected back to a person aiming a weopon at me. Very nerve-wrecking and I forgot to do it whenever I wasn't thinking about it.

One of my kendo friends lent me a book that must belong to her little sister or something. It's really exciting that I can read it. It's like second grade level maybe. A chapter book! Woo! I can read a whole chapter book!

Yesterday, there was a bag of oranges in my bath. That was wierd. I think last night was the longest night of the year or something, and that's why.

Last night for dinner, I had spaghetti noodles and squid's ink sauce. It was delicious. After I finished, my lips were black.

I've officially finished my text book and have started the next one. That's pretty exciting. The next one also includes kanji, thankfully. I've really been working hard to learn kanji and reading it is one of the coolest things that happen.

I'm going out to karaoke making today or maybe tomorrow. Not sure which. It's sure to be fun.

My host parents take their two dogs out on a walk every evening. I think it's really sweet. They have that hour or so just for themselves and the dogs. When I get married, I think I'd like to do that too.

I have to give a speech to Rotary during our January meeting. I've already written in English. Unfortunately, I'm the only that can understand it as it is. Maybe they'll just take my word for it that it's really good and well-written? I don't know what'll be left of it after I translate it. *sigh*

The language learning isn't as fast as it was before. I now know enough that I can understand other people and make myself understood. I'm rarely ever grammatically correct and don't catch the little nuances of the language, but I understand. I miss nuances. I miss feeling like a had a strong control of my language. I stutter sometimes. I never did that before. I stop and think in the middle of sentences, even in English. I'm never sure if I'm right. I've become so accustomed to not understanding that I assume people are talking to me whenever I do understand. I laugh out of habit when everyone else laughs. When I understand, I assume it's in English and am often superised to find it's Japanese. Likewise, when people speak to me in English, I assume they're speaking in Japanese and don't understand. The idea of American food sickens me. I remember a lot of the things I found baffling in the beginning, but I don't remember why they were baffling or how to do it any other way. What's so weird about going grocery shopping every day? I remember being surprised. How often do we go shopping in the States? At least every other day, right? Every three days? I don't know. Something shocking. I feel like it should be once a week or once every two weeks, but that can't be right. And we had to eat rice at least once every two days, right? Once a week? Geez! Once a week! Try every day, every meal! I can't remember what it's like otherwise. And showers in the morning. And no school clubs every day. And our teachers actually gave us tests whenever they felt like it. I think. Students actually drove to school. Sometimes in their own cars. I think less than half of my school rode their bikes. Wait, I'm not sure any kids actually rode their bikes to school. And some of the shirts I brought show so much skin! I can hardly believe it! And do we really heat the whole house? And not just the floor or the seats or tiny spots? Do we really scream when we clap our hands? Often? Are boots with shorts really a taboo? Why? Did I used to sleep with more than two blankets? How many? Where did friends sleep when they came over? Not on futon mattresses. Where? And where do we keep our altar? Not in the tatami room. And my house can't really be double this house's size, like I remember thinking when I first got here. I've always been fairly tall of course we had to wear uniforms to school. I can't believe I actually opted to live away from home for college. How will I pay for it?! Why is it so bad to shake hands with the right hand? And does the vigorosity of the handshake really matter? And what in the world did I really do with all my free time (did I even have free time?)? How can I have such a huge family and who will my grandparents live with when they're too old to live alone? Is it really true my mom actually didn't work at home and that I did my own laundry and that I really had a job in high school and that there are a whole four years of high school? That's so wierd. Foreign.

I feel a little displaced. I'm akward in any language and I don't understand any culture. I feel the most at home with my fellow exchange students who also are without a culture.

I want to dance. And drink. Or do karate. Spar in karate. Or rondorei and then go out with the karate guys after class. When I get home I'm going to lead a really high-energy class so fast that I'll barely be able to keep up. I love those classes. I want to write something and then feel good about the poetry of my composition. And I want to be sure of the spelling of what I wrote. I don't ever want to go home, but I want this to be home. I want to understand without thinking. Does that make sense? I want to just be. I want to understand my friends' jokes and why they think they're so funny. I want to be able to sit on my knees on the wooden floor and not feel pain in my knees and ankles. I feel like it's one of those children's games where you put the block into the hole. I'm a triangle and Japan's a square and I'm just not going in.

I'm not homesick. Not really even sad. Worn out maybe? Everything's still going well. I'm getting along really well with my family and my school friend's are really great. We go out more than I did in the States. On top of that, I have a plethora of exchange friends a phone call away. I still really like Japan and find it exciting to look out my window and see the mountains jutting off in the distance. I still eat lunch at Kyoto Station when I can and watch all the people coming and going and wonder about them all. Only now I understand when the little girl next to me says "Mom, I think that girl is writing in English in her little book. Look, she has blonde hair and she's wearing a school uniform. Where do you think she's from?" I still enjoy inspiring that kind of curiosity in others, but no matter how well integrated I become, little girls will always wonder about me. I'm still excited about the language, but I don't even remember what it's like to understand everything. I'm baffled by the television.

I should look on the bright side because Nakai Sensei told me I should always look on the bright side. I have my lovely nightly baths and an amazing host family and a Nakai Sensei who tells me to look on the bright side and at least I can think in English and today wasn't so cold. And it's funny to think what my family must think when they hear me dancing around me room. I don't think my American family could hear me as well as they can. Haha. And I wonder what they think when they hear me sing in the shower. And I love tea.

And now I'm stalling because when I finish this I have to study and that means turning off my Howie Day, who of course is singing in English.

So goodbye. Have a Merry Christmas.

Owari

I passed. It wasn't too bad. I actually worked out a total of about 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it was so fast. I just did my stuff and that was it. I didn't even do everything I know. At least not one by one. It took a little bit longer because we went in two groups - group A and group B. THe Japanese wasn't too bad either. I understood almost all of it. Besides that Nakai Sensei was there translating for me. But I could have done it without him I'm sure. The best thing is that in the beginning, they told us they had every intention to pass us all and that the main purpose of us being there was to learn kendo. So when anyone messed up, they stopped and helped them. They said they wanted us to walk out of there knowing everything we had to know. After the test, we spent about an hour going over the katas we know piece by piece. That was a little harder to understand, but they allowed Nakai Sensei on the floor to translate, and really I understood more from the visuals than from anything else. It was good.

my kendo gear smells funny

My test starts tomorrow morning. Eek. I'm not sure if I'm nervous or not. Haha, maybe that's becuase if I say I'm nervous, I'm not sure if I'm really what I'm saying, so I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. Oh dear, I don't think I explained that very well. Ah well. It's a wierd wierd thing to be preparing for a first rank test. And I feel ridiculous telling people "In the States, I did karate, kung fu, judo, and aikido." "Wow! What clubs are you in here?" "Kendo." I make it sound like I know five martial arts. That's ridiculous. I always start with "Oh in the States, I did karate." and they might say "Cool! I do judo!" "Oh really! That's really cool! I do too!" "Karate and judo?" "Erm, yeah. Together." "Wow! My friend does judo and aikido!" "Oh cool! I do judo and aikido too!" "AND aikido?!" "Well, sorta. Yeah." "Wow that's so cool! Which is your favorite." "Well we use them together, so that's a difficult question. But probably my favorite katas are kung fu katas." "KUNG FU TOO! Wow! What else?" "Nothing else. Really, that's it!" "Wow! Well our school has none of that. So you probably have a lot of time since you're not in a club, right?" "Well, actually I'm in the kendo club." "WHAT?!" So yeah. I look like the jerk that knows five martial arts, when in reality... what? I wouldn't consider myself proficient in five martial arts. I have a lot to learn. I can rule out kendo right away. I'm a black belt in Bai Ying Pai. Whatever that means. I've been working on martial arts for six and a half years. So whatever that means is what I am.

Anyways. yeah. Test tomorrow morning. I should be sleeping of course. It's funny preparing for it. I think things like, "Oh, I better start stocking up on water so I can last through this test." Oh yeah. Ten minutes long. "I'd better eat a good, healthy, substantial breakfast so I can make it through tomorrow." Oh yeah. I just need to run in, show them I know what a shinai is, and run out. I won't even break a sweat. I'm sure of that.

Tomorrow is also Christmas party number one. I'm looking forward to it. For one, I get to socialize with my last Okaasan, which'll be nice. And for two maybe I can make a comeback with my Japanese after the flop on Wednesday. And maybe it might even be fun. It is a party after all. I asked Otoosan what we're going to do and he said just eat and play BINGO. Okay. Err, guess that could be really fun.

Oh man, I'm really tired. Goodnight. Wish me luck.

Success!!

I'm so cool! Woo! You won't believe how cool I am. I'm beyond cool. I'm the bomb diggidy. yeah. That cool. I went to a Rotary Club meeting today, which was about the same as normal - a little boring. I was one of the only ones awake by the end of the meeting, which I found ironic as I was probably the only one that couldn't understand what they were saying. I saw my last host father for the first time since I changed families. That was nice. Not as akward as I imagined. The Rotarians took turns asking me the normal questions. How is your Japanese? Do you enjoy kendo? Do you have a lot of friends? What have you been up to? (Not so good yet, yes, yes, and iroirona). I was a little sad because I still stumbled more often than not and I had a plan to impress them. =) The plan failed. But I did get some interesting comments. You look different, one person said. I thought I wasn't understanding him, but then he told me my face has changed. Interesting. I wonder what he means. I'm zittier than I was when I arrived? I was wearing contacts today, which I don't normally wear. And I was in a really great mood. Laughing at everything. My cheeks were red because it was cold outside. Maybe it was one of those.

I went shodo and learned the kanji for "the art of" and then went to kendo and learned the rest of the stuff I need to know for my test on Saturday. After that was the highlight of my day. Oh man. I'm obviously too cool for myself. I went to a Rotaract meeting, which is where young Rotarians wannabes get together and try to save the world. It was a lot of fun. I was so cool! I understood about 99% of everything said to me! It was amazing. I even followed group conversations! I'm incredibly excited! Everyone came up to talk to me and my host sister(/translator) had to go help with something, so I was left alone with all the questions and no English. It was great. I couldn't believe it. They kept saying "Holy cow! You've only been here since August! That's amazing! You're Japanese is so good!" And I kept waiting for them to say something I didn't understand or to want to say something I couldn't, but it didn't come. It even almost felt natural! Woo! Party time! I understood! Woo woo! After the meeting (which felt a little like a church youth group meeting), we went out to eat and man was I cool. I understood! Some people started out directing their questions to my host sis ("What school is she going to? Where is she from? Does she speak Japanese?") but I totally intercepted them and answered them with ease. Man it felt good. It feels good. Some people asked my host sis what language they should speak to me in and she automatically replied Japanese. I was pleased but a little afraid I'd make a fool out of myself (I feel stupid asking people to speak to me in Japanese and then not understanding), but not a problem. It helped I think that my host sister was there, completely confident that I could carry out a conversation. And she was there for backup in case I had any real linguistic problems, but I didn't let myself use her as a crutch. I didn't need to.

This is good news. You know that feeling when you have a test or a speech to make and you completely forgot to study for it? You just decide to wing it and then you start and wonder how long you can go before everyone catches on that actually you don't know a thing about what you're talking about. Your arguements aren't well made, your points aren't solid. You're a fake. Sometimes it feels like that when I'm speaking Japanese. How long until they realize I'm only catching the main idea? How long until they realize I have no idea what's going on? But today I wasn't winging it. Today I was talking. Communicating! Woohoo! I love love love communication. Especially successful communication. What'll it be like to be back home, where everyone understands me? To not struggle over the language? I don't even remember what it's like to talk with ease. I do it every week over the phone with my mom and usually every day at least a little with Nakai Sensei or David. But it's different. For one, my English is more haltering. I'm not so confident that I'm using correct words. And I have to consciously separate the English from the Japanese.

I want to talk more to you, tell you more about how it feels to understand and be understood. I want to scream as loud as I can and tell everyone how cool I am, or better yet, engage someone in a Japanese conversation. Alas, I have school in the morning. Oyasumi.

I like the people I'm surrounded by

So today in kendo, I sparred for the first time. It was fun! It was a tie, with neither of us getting any points, but I'm not sure what that means. The person might have just been being nice to me. Blocks were easy. The shinai is so big and slow that I could see all the techniques he threw long before he threw them. And because I'm smaller than most of the people I spar in karate, I have to get in close and fight fast if I want the advantage. In kendo, we both have to stay far from each other. I have to ignore my instict to get in closer. But it's okay. I thought I wouldn't know what to do when they gave the word to start, but they gave the word and I did just what I was supposed to do. I fought. I went for strikes. Far from good, but not bad for my first time. Not as bad as I expected it was going to be. My Sensei was really impressed. My friends tell me he was grinning and clapping and practically jumping out of his chair when I did this one technique, a strike to the, err, midregion. I didn't think much of it and when I heard the whole kendo club gasp, I assumed it was because it was a really poor technique to do at that time, but afterwards they told me it was good and they were are all impressed. That was nice.

I also learned two katas today. It felt really great. I love katas. I know some people who think they're a waste of time and some people who think they're a good use of time, but just don't like them anyways. I love love love katas. My katas were as short as short leapord form and probably the easiest katas I've ever learned, but they felt really great. Mostly, it was just walking to the opponent, striking, and backing away. Nonetheless, it felt really great. I love the mechanics of katas. I love that everything has a purpose and when put together and everything is alligned just the right way, the technique feels really good. I love the snap of the body and the feeling of projecting my power into my opponent. These new katas I learned are dramatically easier than the last kata I learned (Dancing Dragon? Flowing II? Something like that), but they felt just as good. Better, maybe. Oh yeah, and they're done with the wooden sword. Not the shinai (bamboo sword), but the wooden sword that we have at White Eagle that nobody but the Sensei's know how to use. Not me. Except now I can do a really simple kata. Yeah. And I was able to effectively ask questions and understand the reasons for where my body was where it was. I love martial arts very much. I was afraid I might stop and lose everything in college, but I'm not afraid of that anymore. It feels way too right to stop anytime soon.

I'm So Happy!

One of my friends came over and spent some time with me this weekend. She is from Hungary and not doing so well with her host family or school. She's not happy here and is considering returning home early. She asked me what my secret is. Why am I so happy? How did I get so lucky as to end up with two really great host families? She told me "You do your things very well," referring to living here. It was really surprising to hear that. I absolutly love it here, adore my host family, and pretty much want to marry the world, but I didn't know that it was so obvious or that everyone didn't share that feeling. I feel like I'm living an exchanger's dream. I'm not homesick. I'm learning the language. I'm on my second really awesome family. I made really good, patient friends on the first day of school and go out with them whenever we have time. I'm not in any really difficult classes. I have one of the few large houses in Japan. I have a laptop. I have supportive teachers. I was automatically accepted into the kendo club and am expected to participate like any of the members. My Rotary club loves me. My trips are fun. My country is amazing. My family is fairly wealthy (okay, admit it, it is a plus to anyone's exchange). My commute to school is fun. I've tricked the world into thinking I'm a good student. I keep thinking this happy feeling is fake and looking for the real feeling underneath, but it's not fake. I really am happy. It's not "fake it till you make it," it's absolutly happiness. And everyone I'm with knows it, which makes them like me more, which makes me happier, which makes it show more. I ran into a kid from school whom I didn't know at all, and she asked to take a picture with me. I love it.

And I've gotten myself kind of a reputation of a happy person. My friend came over just to see what advice I could give her on being happy. I was talking to my english teacher about my new family and how I now commute to school. He said "Man, that's going to suck. You have a bus and two trains? That'll take forever. Maybe we can figure something else out." I said, "It's not too bad. I can sleep on the bus and I like taking the trains. Besides, if we worked something else out I wouldn't be able to go through Kyoto Station, and that's like my favorite place to be." He shook his head and replied "Why don't you ever complain? If I was you, I'd be b**ching up a storm right now." The other day I was trying a new food and everyone was watching me to see how I'd react. I tried it and smiled, pronouncing it delicious. Every laughed and said "Man! She eats anything! She does anything! Is she Japanese?" So yeah, thanks for the advice, Renie. Not complaining works.

Oh, and I decided on my career, finally. I'm going to be a monk when I grow up. I'll live in a temple and run around in the woods surrounding it and tend to the gardens and shave me head. I could get up every morning at 5 with the other monks and pray to the gods of health and love and eat tofu and make the world beautiful. Which college specializes in that?

If I was God, I'd make every day like today

So Okaasan told me we were going to see something light up. What? I'm not sure. And then slowly I piece together her Japanese. We are going to see Kyoto Station light up. Why? Who cares why. Just go with the flow. No, not the station. Maybe we are going to the station to see Kyoto light up. I assume it's for Christmas, as there have been an increasing amount of Christmas lights going up in my neighborhood. No, we aren't even going to Kyoto Station at all. I in fact have no idea what's going on.

It turned out we went nowhere near Kyoto Eki. We went to a different station to meet my host sister and then my host sis and her friend and I went together to a temple to see the most beautiful thing I've ever seen maybe in my life. France has it's Louvre and Italy has Da Vinci. Poor Japan is so underrated. We went to a temple surrounded by trees. They were lighted perfectly and the colors were magnificent. They are only lighted for five days every year or every fall or something. At one point, all the trees were around this lake and you could see the reflection of the Autumn colors on the water. It was amazing. I wish I could should you. The pictures didn't turn out well because it was so dark. (it was at 7 maybe) There were sooo many people there! Everyone was exclaiming how pretty it was and taking pictures. I even ran into my last host family there! That was really exciting!

I saw some really great art too. I was never really a big fan of Asian art before this year, but I absolutely love it now. Having tried a little shoto, I have more respect for the art form. I can see the strokes made by the ancient artists and respect the skill and sheek beauty of the black ink. Japanese art is so smooth and natural.

Ugg. I'm so tired I might sleep on the computer, but I feel like it's important to tell you about today. Forgive any following mistakes. Between my English being so clumsy and me being so tired, I'm not sure this is going to turn out well. But at least you'll know about today.

So many sites and smells! The smells are what really get me! Cigarette smoke and sesame and people and new clothes and old clothes and chicken and a slight body odor, but nothing really uncomfortable. In fact, I find the smell of cigarette smoke a little comforting. And you look up and see bamboo shoots and red paper lanterns and people! and woman wearing kimonos and I even actually saw a maiko san today! And it's times like that when I realize I am in Japan. What more could I ever want? I really think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world right about now.

I really am falling asleep as I write this. Darn. But good news. School is out. I'll write tomorrow. Oyasumu.

Leaving

Tomorrow is my last day with the Watadas. Wow, they are so incredibly nice. I'm going to miss them. They already promised to visit me in the States at the first convenient time. Is this summer okay? Oh yeah, you won't have left Japan by then. Yeah, so everyone in the States can meet them hopefully next summer. They're serious. They made me a Pinky Promise. I'm so excited to be the translator for them! Haha, I absolutely love it when people ask me what something is in English. It's such a change of roles. And when Taina was over we spoke mostly English and watched everyone else wonder what we were saying. I think we both felt rude, but we both cherished the feeling of being the only ones that knew what was going on, instead of the other way around. But tomorrow, I'm having a goodbye party and Taina is coming. We're speaking Japanese because I also invited a school friend that in fact speaks Japanese.

So tomorrow, the Watada's are throwing me a goodbye party. Thursday I'm changing families. No school on Thursday. Oh, Thursday is Thanksgiving, isn't it? Geez, that snuck up on me. I guess it's easy to forget it when every store doesn't have dancing turkeys inviting you in. Maybe I should do something for Thanksgiving. Haha, a little late desu ne? I haven't seen one turkey, fake or otherwise, since I left the States. how funny.

Anyways, Saturday, I'm going to Fuchiyama with the kendo club to watch the tournament. I'm excited about that. It should be a lot of fun. Sunday, we're returning and Monday through Friday will be test week, which means I stay home and everyone else goes to school and sweats through tests. I love it here. But when the new school year starts in April, I'm going to ask to be put in regular classes I think. I enjoy only being in art and gym and calligraphy and english, but I'm not sure if that defies the point of being here or not.

So while you guys are all finishing this post and getting ready for bed, I'll be waking up and preparing for my goodbye party. How wierd. And now, I'm going to sleep and you're going to go through a whole day. Yish. Goodnight. Good morning.

Packing

So I'm packing again today. My next host family will be coming to pick me up for lunch at 2, where I will meet them and they will pick up the majority of my luggage. Packing is so wierd. I feel the exact same as I did the last time I packed all my 75 pounds or under wordly belongings in two suitcases. Sad but terribly excited. I'm more nervous this time. I'm going home at the end of the year, but I'm never going to live here again. And so many kids have problems with their host families. What if I do too? But I don't think I will. I'm pretty easy to get along with. So yeah. My belongings are slowly (very slowly) disappearing into my bags and my family is running around preparing the house for the Uedas. I'm finding things everywhere. Shoes. Geez, I came with three pairs of shoes - a pair of flip flops, a pair of tennis shoes, and a pair of heeels. I'm leaving with seven. Yes seven. They were so cheap! And cute! I bought a pair of red checked tennis shoes and two pairs of heels. And then my host aunt gave me another pair that were too big for her. Ugg. How am I going to keep the 75 pounds or under weight limit with a whole year in Japan? I'm not sure.

I like packing very much. It's exciting to think of what's next and appeals to my sense of order.

Okay, I've got an hour and a half to finish. I'd better get on it.

As an Ambassador

I really like my job as an American Ambassador. For one, it makes me feel important. For two, people listen to me. They listen to my opinions about Japan and treat my opinons as if they are backed by some kind of authority. As if I am some kind of authority. I like it. It's nice that not only do people listen to me, but they want to. They enjoy my questions and my insight into their culture (and my own).

Today was absolutely amazing. I had kendo practice this morning which was fun. I felt less overwhelmed than I usually do. Less like I'm just randomly swinging the shinai, and more like I'm putting technique into it. Afterwards, Sakai Sensei told me he's going to take me to a kendo test on the 16th of Decemeber. That should be interesting. I don't know Japanese. I don't know kendo very well at all. But I'd like to see what a test is like. And who knows, maybe it'll be fun. Maybe. Saturdays are always spar days, and this was my first Saturday with all the gear. I thought I might get to spar, but it turned out I wasn't able to. But it was incredibly interesting to watch and try to figure out the rules and what makes a good strike. I think I can do this.

After kendo, I met my Brazilian friend at Kyoto Station (my favorite place in Japan) and we went together to my house. Okaasan is so funny. She's probably one the coolest, greatest people in the world and I am sooo lucky I ended up with her. Asukachan got really angry with us for speaking in English, so we tried Japanese until that got too slow. Taina (my friend) and I listened to Jack Johnson, who happens to be both our favorite singers, and ate cake. We were going to my host gramma's house when we got into a car accident. Cool, huh? It was complete with fire, blood, ambulance, and screams. Okay okay, I'm exaggerating. I didn't even realize we were in an accident until Okaasan started apologizing like crazy. My host sister bit her lip pretty badly and insisted on being taken to the hospital. She was fine though. Nobody was hurt besides her, and boy did she play it up. We stayed in the car and watched TV while they figured everything out. Whenever people would look in the window at us (two foriegners and a bloody 7 seven year-old), Asukachan would start crying and screaming. She stopped whenever they weren't looking. Oh brother. I felt so bad for my host mother. Otoosan was angry with her and she had two foreigners and a screaming kid to deal with, on top of causing a three car accident. I wanted to hug her and tell her to calm down. I tried helping, but I couldn't do much more than find tissue for the bloody lip and tell Okaasan to calm way down. But I don't think it did much. Ah well. It was fun. Everyone is okay. Otoosan said Okaasan isn't allowed to drive anymore. Haha, that's funny. I think. He says she has to take the subway from now on. I would be furious if my husband told me that.

So while Asukachan was being rushed frantically to the hospital so the doctors could admire her swollen lip, Okaasan and I returned home. Taina also went to her home. Okaasan and I had a really good talk. It started by me explaining that in America, boys and girls freely talk to each other, but in Japan, they never even look at each other. We ended up talking about her marriage with Otoosan and lots of things about Japanese relationships I was really curious about. She was really great about catering to my curiousity and did not have a problem answering some semi-personal questions. And she recpricated them, which was nice. We talked and compared and when I apoligized for asking personal questions, she said that it's okay because she likes to know what I'm curious about and she wants to help me understand. God I love her. I'm so lucky. I'm in the best country in the best city in the best Rotary Club (really, my friends and I compare clubs and we've decided that mine is the best) and the best family. Except I change in a few days. Maybe they'll be the best too. I hope so.

Kendo Blues

Today was a particularly rough day at kendo. Actually, most days are particularly rough. I can keep up just fine. I've been practicing everything they give me and working hard to understand as much as I can. I felt pretty good until my gear got here. With the gear on, I feel big and clunky. It's disorienting. I can't hear the instructions very well. When I can hear, I can't understand very well. The shinai stops being an extension of my arm and starts being a stick. It's hard to explain. I'm so big that it takes all my focus to figure out where I am and I have nothing left for getting the technique right. And it's like that feeling when you spar. When you spar in karate, you're supposed to be so focused and unthinking that things just come. A little like a kata. During regular class, I'm always thinking about where I am and where my opponent might be and what I'm doing right and wrong and how to improve. But when you spar, it's much easier just to not think. Only I've never been good at that. But in kendo, you're always supposed to not think. You're supposed to scream when you strike. It's so hard for me to completely lose myself every day for a few hours. Maybe once a few weeks for 20 minutes is okay, but still difficult. I'm not good at kendo. I'm pretty bad, actually. I'm frustrated that I do things wrong even when I know better. I'm frustrated that I know how to lock my body but that I'm not doing it. I'm frustrated that I can't understand when people try to help me. I hate just staring at them and shrugging. I feel so stupid when I do that. And they're so nice and patient. But I can't hear with the men gear. And today, I didn't wear contacts, so I couldn't see either. I kept missing the target and when they showed me on the shinai where I'm supposed to hit, I had trouble explaining that I had no idea what they were saying and I couldn't see either. Ugg. So I can't hear. I can't see. I can't talk. All I can smell is me. What does that leave? Touch? From now on, I'm wearing contacts every day. No more glasses.

It's only 10:30 PM and I'm soooo mecha tired. Goodnight.

the monster in us all

Hey all. I just returned from an amazing three day trip down through Southern Japan. It was pretty incredible. I went to Hiroshima via bus along with maybe 11 other exchange students from around the world. Last time we met, we often tried to speak Japanese together just to practice and show off a little. This time, we had so much to say to each other, we just spoke in whatever language we could to get the point across. Sometimes, us native English speakers would get in such a frenzy and start talking too fast. The others would ask us to repeat ourselves, and suddenly, Japanese would be flying out. It was a mad bonanza of languages. I actually found myself saying "Bonjour amigo! Kino, I saw a neco at my house! Sugoi, ne?" Languages are incredible. I'm in love with words and sounds and the way everything fits so perfectly together, especially in Japanese. I don't know if Japanese is really any more difficult than the Romance languages when it comes down to it. The grammar is fairly simple and the rules don't have very many exceptions. Japanese is absolutely more daunting than most languages I know of, but probably not really very much more difficult.

Anyways, the most interesting part of my incredibly fantastic trip was the walk the Hiroshima's memorial. It was staggering. Exactly what I expected it to be, and yet, I was overwhelmed and surprised all the same. It hurt to go through the museum and if I'd have been with my mom (the biological, American one) I would have cried. I wanted her to be there to hold my hand. I wanted someone to tell me it was all a horrible prank. I wanted to stop hurting for all the melting children in the pictures. I didn't expect Hiroshima to have such an effect on me. I mean, I knew the details. I've thought about it extensively enough. Nobody has hidden any truth from me. And yet, there they were, beneath my feet, in the air, on the black on photos, calling out for relief from there torture. I hate how vivid my mind is. I hate that I could hear the sobs and feel the shock.

I am afraid America made a grave grave mistake. I'm afraid it was worse than a mistake. I've been tought that the choices, while difficult, were limited. Invade Japan and prolong the war, or swiftly take out a couple of cities with the a-bomb and bring immediate peace. I'm afraid. I'm shocked. I'm ashamed.

I was proud of our insistance of "unconditional surrendor" when I learned about it in history. I was pleased to know our great nation stood firmly on it's values. All Japan wanted was to keep it's emporer. Why did we insist on unconditional surrendor? Why didn't we warn them directly and outright that we had the a-bomb? Why wasn't every single damn alternative considered? Why did we bomb Nagasaki so soon after Hiroshima? Why didn't we listen to the Japanese try to negotiate peace? In the end, the only condition they really wanted, the retention of the emporer, was accepted anyways. Couldn't we have skipped the Hiroshima step?

I guess in the end, it doesn't matter if the deaths served a purpose or not. The mothers certainly weren't proudly holding there burning babies, pleased they were helping to bring about peace. No amount of crying can change what happened. No amount of questioning and wondering can make it okay.

And yet, my faith in my country has been badly shaken. Not only did we (they?) do such an aweful thing, but it was not last resort. In America, we debated about it in history class. Was Hiroshima necessary? In Japan, the idea that the issue is even devatable would be astonishing. I'm so afraid of what we did.

And now what do I do with this heavy feeling? How do I come to terms with it? How can I use it to make things better? Can I make things better?

Universal Studios

I don't have much time to post, but I thought I'd let you know how USJ was this weekend. Amazing. I'm ashamed to say I didn't make a very good ambassador. I screamed at the top of my lungs while my little host sister laughed her tush off. At first, I tried screaming in Japanese, which was pretty funny. I screamed things like "Dangerous! Dangerous!" and "HEELP!" and "Okay, finished. Let's finish. Okay. Finished. Finished." and ended up reverting to my natural roller coaster scream "AHHH!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" and once it hit me that no one on the whole roller coaster could understand me, so I added some choice words I would never scream at the top of my lungs in normal circumstances. Freedom of speech is utterly complete when nobody understands you.

Okay, it's way too late. Night.

I'm Sick

You know what I like about my body? It can't be fooled. I can trick myself into not being cold. I can push myself past pain. I can convince myself I don't have to use the restroom. I can force happiness if I feel the need. I can make it through a 13 hour black belt test only barely breaking a sweat. But my body knows the truth. The next day, I'm sick from the cold that wasn't there, or bruised from the pain I didn't feel. It's a healthy reminder to me that I'm not near as invincible as I've convinced myself I am. Not only does my body react from being cold for too long, it knows what to do. It tells me to slow down and sleep. It tells me what foods to eat and which muscles need relaxed. I think bodies are absolutely amazing.

I worked out today for the first time with the full kendo gear. It was hard! I've worked so much on those few basic moves and felt okay with them. And then I put on the gear and I could barely do anything. Lots of times, I was paired up with people that would forget that it was my first time, which I liked best. I like being expected to follow along. But the head gear blinds the sides, which I find extremely uncomfortable. I'm expected to fight without being able to see beside me?! And I'm clunky and akward and heavy in all that stuff. In karate, my fortes are my speed and my flexible. Now I'm slow and who cares if I can do the splits? I felt sort of like I was carrying my cello around. I was too big and didn't know where all of me was. Does that make sense? In karate (way of the open hand), I know exactly where I am. I know how far I need to be to throw a successful technique. I know how to react. In kendo, I think I'm one place, but all that gear means I'm really somewhere else. And in kendo-ists take turns hitting the gear with the shinai. Whenever someone went to swing one at me, I instinctively jumped out of the way or went to block it. Woops. Have to get over that.

One of my friends told me after school that I shouldn't go to kendo today. I asked why and she said because I'm miserably sick. But I have to go to kendo, I said. I can't miss just because I hurt a little. She asked me why. If I miss, Sensei will be really angry with me. Besides, missing isn't really even an option. I have to go. Who will teach if I miss? Who can I call in on such short time. Oh wait. Different Sensei. Different art. Different teacher. I guess I could miss. And then she asked me why I even went to school today. Duh. I didn't want to fall behind. I didn't want to miss assignments. I didn't want to be a problem for the people who would have to catch me up. I didn't want a little sickness to control me. Oh wait. What am I going to fall behind in, gym? English? My empty study periods? Okay, tomorrow if I'm this sick, I'm staying home.

I think a big reason is that I AM paranoid about control. If I'm sick, I absolutely go to school. If I'm running on zero sleep, I go to school and karate and even stay up late just to punctuate my point. That's not healthy. It should stop. I should take hints from my all-knowing body.

My kendo stuff is here!!!!!!!

Today has been absolutley magnificent. I finally memorized my 24 word vocab list. The seats on the subway were heated!!!! And I bought a hot lemonade-like beverage out of the vending machine on my way home from school. My kendo gear finally got here just as I was about to leave kendo, which means tomorrow is my big day! I will work out the whole day, instead of with them for the first 20 minutes and watching for most of the rest of the time. I love love love learning. That's probably the best thing about kendo. And everyone is a higher rank than me, so anyone can tell me when I mess up. Woohoo! I love it. I'm understanding more everyday. Nakai Sensei told me today that I'm learning the language faster than any other exchange student he's worked with. That made me feel good. I wore shorts under my skirt today. Have you ever worn pj's under your skirt? Whenever I do, I feel really sneaky and unbelievably clever. Haha, I felt a little bit like that whenever I thought of my shorts, though they didn't really do anything to help keep me warm, so it was a waste of cleverness.

I really enjoy learning Japanese. I like that every time I learn a word, I find many occasions to use it. Like, have you ever learned a fact you never knew and then suddenly, you hear the fact everywhere and you wonder why you haven't heard of it before? That's how I feel with words. I have more words than I use in a day. Haha, isn't that a funny thing to be proud of?

At Kyoto Eki, there's this huge, beautiful Christmas tree. I take the long way through the station just so I can see it. Tomorrow, I will take a picture of it. I love Kyoto Station and I think the Christmas tree is magnificent. Haha, under it, it says in big letters "Merry X-mas!"

I'm going to come home with a lot of things, I'm thinking. Hopefully a new language, lots of new clothes, a killer immune system, a nose ring (kidding), kendo knowledge, and a ton of pictures. But I don't know if I'm going to gain a lot of character while I'm here. I don't mind. I like my character just fine. Besides, I have my whole life to build character and only a year to enjoy Japan. I like being happy. To be honest, I expected my exchange to be a lot more difficult than this. Maybe I'm jinxing myself.

How nice

Today, I was walking home with my little host sis. I was deep in thought and not really paying attention to anything when she told me I should smile. "What?" I said, figuring I had misunderstood her. Nope, she told me I'm really beautiful when I smile. Aww. She's seven years old and really asked me to smile so I would look pretty. That made me feel pretty good. She loves how western I look. When she has friends coming over, she asks me to put on my contacts so they can see how blue my eyes are. Hehe. I love it here.

Nihongo

Japanese is difficult! I'm glad I'm working from a textbook, otherwise it would be hard to see the actual progress I'm making. It's so slow. I want the whole language! I want to say anything! I want to understand everything I hear! Sometimes, I feel like I'm not moving at all, just flipping through my text and emptily listening to the people around me. That's the most frustrating thing, that I can't understand everyone. Sometimes, I want to scream "SLOW DOWN!! One sentence at a time, dude!" Every morning, my homeroom teacher reads the announcements, and every morning, I almost understand them. But not enough. Never enough.

Nakai Sensei told me some frustrating news today. He said that I shouldn't expect to go home fluent and that I should focus on being able to make myself understood and to learn the rhythm of Japanese. He said it'll be much easier to learn the language when I go home if I have the rhythm down. He also said that I'm learning much faster than most exchange students he deals with (he has one every few years for twenty years, maybe), my pronunciation is great, and that if I keep up my work I will go home with a working knowledge of Japanese. He also says that these next few months will probably the most difficult, especially linguistically and that I shouldn't get frustrated. Only they talk and talk and I catch glimpses of phrases I know, but I can't understand. Every successful conversation is something I take pride in, and I usually have a few a day, but I want MORE! Every book promises that it's can teach me the language in a few short weeks, but it's been two months. I know, I didn't expect to be fluent in two months and it's ridiculous to be disappointed that I'm not, but it's getting old.

My next family knows no English, I hear. Good. And I'm going to make Nakai Sensei talk to me more in Japanese. And I'm going to study more.

Today, despite the negativity emanating from this post, was fairly good. Kendo was a little slow but that'll change when I get my gear. Oh, we're going to a tournament somewhere maybe west of here. I can't participate, but it's an overnight trip and I'm invited. I get to stand on the sides and scream "FIGHTO! FIGHTO!! NICE-O FIGHTO!!" I absolutely love that. I think it's one of the funniest things ever. I didn't know what they were saying the first time I heard it and when I finally figured it out, I cracked up. It's a fairly common cheer here. Even the kendo no Sensei screams it somethimes.

And my host ma's mother came over today to celebrate her 58th birthday. That was fun. She said she's really impressed with my Japanese. I tried denying it, but she pointed out that the last time she came, I could barely speak to her and now I can keep up in conversations and make myself understood fairly easily, and it's only been a month. I said I wasn't good enough yet. I hate denying compliments. I wanted to run into her arms and tell her that really made me feel good. In the end, I smiled and thanked her. How American am I allowed/supposed to be? Zen zen? A little? A lot? I don't know.

Tomorrow (Friday) is a holiday, but I have kendo practice for a few hours. Afterwards, I'm either going to try to do something with my friends or go searching for a camera card reader and a notebook. Saturday is kendo and Obaasan's house and my phone home day (hurray!). Sunday I meet my next family. Yikes. I hope they're nice. But I'm looking forward to it. It should be fun and I've already met the father. Oh yeah, and I'm meeting them at the dog party they're throwing. I asked my host parents what happens at a dog party and they laughed and said they had no idea. How amazing is that? They're throwing a party for/in honor of their dogs. They can't be too terrible.

A Cultural Misunderstanding?

Today was wierd. I was in my shodo class (Japanese calligraphy) and the Sensei (teacher) was writing out the kanji (word) I was going to do today. He wrote it for me then turned to leave. "Wait!" I thought, "You didn't write the stroke order! Come back!" I did some fast thinking and said in Japanese "Chotto motte!" which literally means a little bit stop. I meant to say "Don't leave yet!" He turned around and laughed. I KNOW "Chotto motte" means wait just a second. I use it every day when I talk to my little host sis, and she uses it with me and with Okaasan. How could he be laughing? At first, I thought he heard me wrong, but then I realized that everyone at my table was laughing. In fact, within moments, the whole class was laughing. I don't mind being laughed at, but it was a little frustrating that I was using a perfectly standard phrase and they were pretty much telling me I was wrong. My Sensei asked me who taught me the phrase and I said I wasn't sure, I just heard it a lot. He told me the stroke order I wanted and walked away. My friend told me I shouldn't say that to teachers. I left off the "please." What?! All that fuss because I didn't say "please"? I laughed and apologized to my teacher (impolitely, I later learned), thanked him for the stroke order (impolitely, I later learned), and went to work, thinking the ordeal was over. Only, he didn't say anything to me the whole class, whereas he is usually hovering over me telling me everything I'm doing is wrong and helping me to do it right. Either my shodo suddenly got really good or I offended him. Later, I overheard one of my friends saying that he was angry with me. I had no idea that he was angry. He was laughing for goodness sakes. What's the big deal?

So there are some lessons to be gleaned from this. Just because I know a word doesn't mean I know how to use it. The Japanese are really really big on politeness, especially when it's a student-teacher relationship. While I have many privilages as a foreigner, forgetting to say "please" isn't one of them. The Japanese are really wierd about showing anger. But, I was the only that didn't pick up on his anger, so it's possible (probable) that they aren't so wierd and I just don't know the signs to look for. NEVER give a teacher a direct order, such as "Wait just a second." They're really big on being indirect and subtle. Double check the Japanese you learn from a 7 year-old. I need to get really really comfortable with the polite form of verbs and other words.

Also, there have been teachers at the front gate of school every morning this week checking uniforms. It's really intimidating. They all scowl and stomp their feet and make kids get off their bikes so they can be inspected. It's intense. At the stop light before school, all the kids were adjusting their ties and straightening their socks. Nobody had rolled up skirts. And lo and behold, not a thing was said to me except "Good morning!" (in english) . Wierd, eh? I won't complain though. I told my host mom and she said it's because my uniform was perfect, but I had my doubts. They pick on everyone but me, and I've escaped them every day this week, which is unheard of. My theory is that nobody wants to have to be the one to speak English to the poor little gaijin. My host mom agrees with this theory and claims I'm pretty lucky. Sweet.

And my kendo instructor is really great. He makes sure I speak politely to him, but he doesn't get angry about it when I mess up (at least, I didn't think he does, but maybe...). The first time I saw him in the halls I smiled and said "Ohaiyoo!" really cheerfully. He shook his head and explained to me that was a very rude way to greet teachers and told me very carefully how I should greet him in the future. And then, he goes out of his way to say good morning to me just to make sure I say it right back to him. I'm grateful. He gave me a list of terms that I should know for kendo and takes me aside every class to see how I'm doing. He's not of afraid of the language barrier, like I suspect some of the club members are, and corrects me frequently. Yesterday, one of the kids said that he really likes me. Haha, she said I'm his favorite. In the States, that's not such a good thing. Here, I don't know. I'll take it if it means I'll get lots of help.

I can handle the language. I can even deal with the huge grammatical changes. I feel like I'm doing well - today I aced a quiz my Japanese teachers made for me. It's not anything that studying and trying can't manage. But the culture... I'm more confident that I'll be semi-fluent in Japanese than in the culture. Everything is different. People expect different things from me here than they did in the States. It's obvious, but sometimes I forget it. Sometimes, I almost get comfortable with my life, and then days like today jolt me awake and remind me to be wary and observent. Haven't Tara and Scott taught me anything? If you let your gaurd down, you're going to get punched in the face sooner or later. Sooner, usually. That's a lesson I've already learned too many times.

Monkeys in the street

Today, they finally measured me for my kendo gear. Which means I'll have everything in a week, hopefully. I have two shinais, a nice case, a bag for my uniform, at least one uniform and who knows what else. I couldn't talk to the guy. Haha. I'm not paying for it either. Rotary is. Cool, eh?

I've already torn through a shinai, which I feel terrible about, but I think the one they gave me to use was really old anyways and nobody else was ever going to use it. Thankfully. They gave me a newer one and told me not be so hard on them. I better figure out how to not be so hard on them before I get my own. And I don't want to damage this one that I'm using.

I saw monkeys in the street the other day. I thought it was the most amazing thing in the world. My host family thought it was funny that I was so excited. I wanted to go out and interact with them. My host family said absolutely not. *sigh*

bi bi kyu

Today, I went to a barbeque with Nakai Sensei and his church. It was very very good and incredibly fun. There was one girl there who was 16 and a few college students. I also went with David, so there was no lack of people to talk to. It was a successful day for me for several reasons. I had no problems mingling with everyone. I always have problems mingling. Why not here, in Japan? I did not take up the stupid, I-don't-know-what's-going-on role (another thing I did fairly regularly in the U.S. but not here) and I spoke and I understood and they understood me. I could follow pretty much everything said to me. A few people didn't make any effort to slow down or use really easy words either (at least I don't think). In fact, a few times, they would address their questions to a translator and I would answer them before the translator would get the chance to translate. Yeah, I'm so cool. It felt really good when Nakai Sensei (who is absolutely fluent in English) came by to see if I needed any linguistic help and saw me participating in a conversation. Also, I enjoy answering questions about America. I can. I am an authority on American culture. That's wierd. But I like it a lot. I like being listened to and I think it's exciting to be able to share my culture with these people. And it helps me find my own cultural identity to hear their questions.

I chased little kids who didn't even know I couldn't speak their language and talked to me with the expectation that they would be understood. Score for me. I participated in an outdoor tea ceremony and I think I butchered every aspect of it, but it was mecha interesting. And I kicked hard core butt in a tug of war contest. Even when a big strong man went to the other side to help them. I totally beat him and all his manliness. The whole church group stopped what they were doing to be impressed with me. Haha, I love it. This much attention and praise for one person can't be healthy.

I have fallen in love with communicating. I love it when people talk to me. I love talking to other people. I love being expected to be able. More than able. I am what I wanted to be when I was little looking at the big 18 year-olds. I am what I wanted to be when I was 17 looking at the big 18 year-olds.

Before I left, I heard that the common amount of time it takes an exchange student to be able to communicate effectively is three months. But I also heard that this deadline doesn't apply to Asian countries because the language is so incredibly different (I can vouch for that). I expected not to understand anything until maybe the fifth or sixth month. I'm two months into the exchange and I can communicate fairly easily. Of course, I couldn't fool anyone (well, unless the anyone is 3 or 4 years old...) into thinking I'm a native speaker, but I can fool people into thinking I've been studying for years. Today, many people asked me how long I've been studying Japanese. Surely I've been taking in high school for a few years, right? Haha! I'm so cool I can hardly handle it.

And then, to complete my successful day, I read an adevertisment all in kanji for a tire shop. Yeah! I read kanji all by myself!

The only thing wrong with today is that I got a little bit more cocky. I've become so full of myself that I'm only serving to support the idea that Americans are uhm, I can't remember the word that means full of yourself. Arrogant! Yeah, I've become arrogant and it feels so good I don't care.

Wooo!!!

Tomorrow, I work out in kendo with real live (not REALLY live) kendo gear! Woo! That means they're going to want me to keep up with everyone. That means people will be swinging shinais at me! That means I get to work out the whole class, maybe. I still don't have any head gear, so nobody is allowed to hit my head yet (can't say I'm too disappointed), but I'm really excited. Today, Sakai Sensei worked with me a little bit and it actually tired me. I miss being physically exhausted. I love it. It might be the first day I've been really tired from kendo. I've been really sore and I've had little bursts of sweat, but I haven't actually been tired yet. Except for today. I ran and ran and swung my heart out then ran some more. Magnificent. I love participating. I don't mind sitting in the back and watching, or working out with whoever can be spared, but I'm greatly looking forward to participating tomorrow. Oh man, I don't know Japanese!

Physical Symptoms of Japan

My face breaks out and clears up and breaks out and clears back up pretty arbitrarily. My face has been the worst it's ever been here in Japan, and for a week or so, I was seriously worried that it'd go way out of control. The next week, my face was clear as a summer afternoon in California. Now it's back to normal - one or two zits, but nothing crazy.

My stomach can't handle the food. I love just about everything I've tried, but I really just can't eat it sometimes. Sometimes it's a loss of appetite, and sometimes it's physical pain from the previous meal. I hope this will be gone within a few weeks.

I've become a morning person, ridiculously happy every morning.

When I come home, I will be a master at pictionary and charades. I've honed my miming skills greatly.

I wake up every morning at 7:00 without an alarm clock. Sometimes I get nine hours of sleep. And yet, I am still exhausted by the time school gets out around 3:15. This pattern wavers though. I'm always more tired than I was in the States, but sometimes I can make it all the way past kendo practice and sometimes I can hardly make it to school without wearing myself out.

I am getting very strong and losing a lot of flexibility. It's wierd.

I've lost all reserve. If I have a word for someting, you can bet I'm going to darn well use it. I dance whenever there is music playing. I sing if it's in English. I am Karaoke Queen. I say hello to every single person I know in school. I make jokes and go out on conversational limbs.

I have a permanent smile glued to my face. I have this theory that if people see me smiling, they'll think I know what's going on and include me in whatever they're talking about.

I love to go out on weekends.

I'm paranoid about little things, like tying my tie just so and getting all the wrinkles out of my sheet before I place the blankets on my bed. But I'm lax about other things I used to be really uptight about, like being punctual and never missing a karate class. Who cares about homework? I attempt what I can, but I don't stress nearly as much as I used to. If I can't finish something, than I can't finish it. I'm certainly not getting any grades here.

I've become very proud of my pale skin. Oh yeah, and I made my little host sister feel good about having dark skin. I told her that in the States, everyone wants a nice tan and that white skin isn't especially beautiful. The next time someone commented on her dark skin (the Japanese are very liberal with their comments on physical imperfections), I overheard her proudly proclaim that she is in fact lucky because in America, only the really pretty people have skin as dark as hers. I felt really good to know I helped make her feel beautiful.

Interestingly, I haven't gained or lost an ounce of wieght, though I'm surprised because I'm a lot stronger now than I was in the States.

And there are many many more physical signs that I'm not in Kansas anymore. Those are probably the most dramatic though.

Have a lovely day,
Heather

Mashed Potatoes = Luv

Some days, I can't believe how amazingly lucky I am. I'm freaking in Japan for one. For two, I'm in the best district in Japan. The weather doesn't get too too bad (though I hear the summers get a lot worse than what I saw) here and it's beautiful and it's close enough to Osaka if I have any shopping needs. It's not too far from the beach, not too terribly far from Tokyo, not too terribly far from anything, real. And then, I'm the luckiest of all the kids in my district because I'm the only one actually in Kyoto City. The Amazing Kyoto City, full of history and culture and beauty. The one every Japanese exchange student yearns to visit.

And then, I ended up in Toba High School, with really supportive teachers, namely Nakai Sensei. I also got a great AET (the English teacher from America that every high school has) who is really friendly and a wonderful all-around person. And then, I landed the Watada's, who are absolutely amazing. My first week here, Okaasan asked me what my favorite foods are, and I mentioned mashed potatoes. She said she didn't know them, so I told her I'd make them for her some day. That was two months ago. Today, I walked in the door and was met by a large helping of the best mashed potatoes in the world. I wanted to cry or hug or her or scream how incredibly nice she is, but instead, I ate the mashed potatoes. I can't believe this lady. She made me mashed potatoes! They were different than I've ever tasted, but probably the best mashed potatoes I'll ever eat. How did I get so lucky? And how will I ever repay this woman her kindness?

I'm also doing great with the language. My sister read me a story today, and I almost could follow the whole thing! Haha, I read it back, and she was cracking up over how slow I was. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with their alphabets. Of course, I learned them before I left the States, but it takes me forever to read. And most things aren't even written in the two alphabets I learned. Most things are written in kanji, which is the one character per word thing everyone's heard of. It's a mess. My calligraphy class is really great though because I get to practice kanji, learn a new word, and surprise, learn calligraphy all at once. I've learned invaluable phrases from the calligraphy class such as "Heather! Not like that!" "Don't do that!"
"Slowly!" "Please practice more." and "STOP!" Haha, I love it here. I can seriously say all that in Japanese. Who knew calligraphy would teach me all that?

A Fabulous Weekend

Yesterday (Sat.), I mascotted for Toba High School as their real live, geniune foreigner. They had prospective middle school kids come and tour the school and the kendo club volunteered (or maybe the coach volunteered us? Or maybe we didn't volunteer at all, now that I think about it) to hand out information packets to the younguns. I, however, stood on the side and smiled and made curt little bows while the kids gawked at my actual, factual blond hair. I have a secret. I relish the attention. I do. I absolutely love that random people stop me in the halls and ask to feel my hair. Okay, that's a little wierd, but I do love that everyone in the whole school says good morning to me and I love that my eyes are so blue and my freckles so obvious. I love it. I should have made more of an effort to be popular in high school. It's so much fun.

Anyways, I participated in a sample english class for the middle school students, then snuck out while the kendo club wasn't looking and went out to eat with a friend.

Here's the scoop with the friend. I'd never met her before Saturday. I didn't know her name. I had no idea where we were going. She isn't a Toba High School student. She doesn't live anywhere near me or my high school. Her father is a gym teacher at Toba (not my gym teacher, mind you) and she is intersted in English. So he asked me if I could spend a day with her. It was a lot fun. We went out to eat and then to a puricura booth. We spent the majority of the four hours in the restaurant, getting acquainted and figuring out how to communicate (neither of us where sure which language to speak in). She's a really nice girl who's dream is to travel around the world and learn at least three or four different languages. She also didn't ask me if I needed a spoon and a forku (which is like a slap in the face) when we ate, so she got extra points for that.

Today, I went to a really big festival in Kyoto, which might rival Macy's Day Parade. It was cool, though I don't understand the purpose. If I were a really good exchange student, I would look it up. Alas, I am a mediocre exchange student and I might get around to asking someone tomorrow. Afterwards, we went to my very first karaoke bar, which was a wierd experience. The room was small and a little dark. The table and the chairs took up most of the room, and only one group went in at a time. I was picturing a big room with lots of open space and maybe a stage with a small television and lots of people. Duh, I'm in JapanLand now. It was small and we were alone. We took turns picking songs, and I sang such songs as "Let it Be," "Heartache Tonight," "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," "Country Roads," and "A Thousand Miles." They sang such songs as "Blah blah blah," "Ukiwakisaki," and other stuff.

We went out to eat and I had possibly the best food ever, though I couldn't tell you the name of it if my life depended on it. It was good though. It was also cooked on the table, which was like a giant pan. A little like that restraunt in WV with a name I can't remember. Oh yeah, Hibachi or something. Except every table had it's own little grill and there were no really cool servers tossing shrimp into your mouth. Japanese food is nothing like Hibachi's, by the way.

We biked/jogged home (there were four of us and three bikes...), Asukachan practiced her piano, we took our baths, and here I am. Tired. Very snug with my favorite teddy bear and cuddly laptop. Oh, I don't think Japanese children sleep with teddy bears. My family thought it was a pillow. Haha.

Okay, I'm exhausted. Oyasumi. Good night.

Important

I am capable.

Tomorrow is sports day. I don't know exactly what I'll be doing, but I expect it to be fun. I'm meeting some friends at the big station and we're taking a train together to Somewhere, where we'll play basketball (which I hate) and do a giant jump rope contest with our whole homeroom. It should be a splendid day.

I feel particularly good today for several reasons. First thing this morning, Tanaka Sensei (one of my Japanese teachers) and I spent an hour talking. I understood almost everything and was able to reply in Japanese. He said there was significant improvement since our last meeting and that he was really impressed. I tried to be Japanese and shook my head and denied it. He told me that it was stupid to deny it because it's true. I really did get better. And I know I got betters so I stopped denying it and thanked him. Being "modest" (that's what they call denying compliments. Personally, I don't think saying "thank you" makes a person any less modest, just from a different culture) is harder than it sounds. I never know when to deny compliments and when to accept them. The nice thing is that the Japanese know this and expect it, so pretty much anything I say is okay. I hope.

I read an advertisement today for an ear, nose, and something else clinic. That was awesome. I wanted someone to ask me what it said so I could let them know I knew, but it was in the middle of the subway station and nobody really cared if I could read the ad.

I had a really nice walk home around 7:30-ish. The weather was just what it should have been - a little breezy a little warm. And dark.

Dinner was one of my favorites: soba and some weird chicken thing and rice and salad. Dessert was absolute great. Pears and something that reminded me a little bit of turkish delight, except not even half as sweet.

Today in kendo, I got to participate with everyone in the beginning, during the warm ups. Finally. I still haven't gotten any gear yet and I'm really in no rush. I have a lot to learn about how to swing the shinai before I actually do anything. They're so patient with me and I love learning so much. New concepts are fabulous. Exhilarating.

A Good Feeling

So of course, I did kendo again today. Today I actually did break a sweat and it felt good. Really good. If you don't know anything about martial arts, I advise you to skip this post, as you'll probably find it boring. I'm not really writing to entertain as much as I am to inform anyone who's curious about what's going on in my life, and right now, it's kendo.

Two days and I am already completely in love with the sport. There are so many similarities that sometimes I think it's just karate with a different name. Interestingly, I also think there is absolutely nothing the same about this sport. They taught me how to travel a little today; the front foot moves straight forward and then the back foot follows so that you end up directly in front of where you started. I started out okay, but ended up doing revised stepping front stances (which travel at angles instead of straight back and forth). There were many many times I felt comfortable doing something, only to learn I was doing it completely wrong. But then there were other times when even the things I was doing wrong were the same things I always do wrong. Keep your shoulders back, they told me. Relax them. Draw your power from your center. God. How many times have I been told to keep my shoulders back? A hundred? Every freaking day of my life for the past six years? Maybe. And now, half a world away, they're telling me the same thing. Sensei Hartzell will be pleased. And when I come back, gosh darnit, I will have a straight back.

Today was more difficult than yesterday. When I got home, I couldn't lift my chopsticks without shaking. It was the hardest meal I might have ever eaten. Scratch that. After my green belt test might have been the hardest meal I've ever eaten. But today rivals. I have blisters on my hands and feet. I am sore. And I feel great. I can't wait to go back tomorrow and asatte and ever day. I like that it's semi-easy to disguise that I'm the foriegner during kendo practice (until someone tries to talk to me =)) and I like how familiar the atmosphere feels. How my role as a student is completely the same as it was in the States and my Sensei here treats me very much like my Sensei at home does.

In other news, I'm coming down with some kind of throat thing. No good. I hope I'll sweat it out tomorrow or something. The worst is just a nasty, deep cough, and I hope that'll be gone by tomorrow morning. I don't want to get sick.