Shopping is a universal thing

So I've just finished spending the remainder of this month's allowance. I really didn't plan on spending it all so fast, but when Okaasan mentioned that I have absolutely nothing I can wear in the Autumn (I thought any of my clothes would suffice), it kinda all went down the drain from there. But it went far! For being in a notoriously expensive place, I'm doing well. With close to $85, I bought ten letters worth of stamps, a really cute skirt, a dress marked down from $50, three pair of shoes (!!!), a long sleeved plainish shirt, a really cute jacket that would go for like $80 in the States (here too, only I got it at a second hand shop for like $4!), a pair of tights, a very Japanese style peachy shirt, a navy blue sweater, and a pair of really cute longish shorts. How's that for good. The bad thing is I can't show any of you guys :(. That's one of the best parts about shopping. But my Okaasan is properly happy for me. And yesterday when I got the cello (Woo!!!!), I said I was happy and she said she was too because she knew I was happy. Aww. I can't believe how sweet she is too me.

On another note, my shoes are all size LL and most of my clothes are size L. It's a nice change. I showed them a picture of me with all my friends and they were surprised that I wasn't the tallest one. Haha, I love it here.

A cello!!!

So today I'm getting a cello from a monk who is a professional cellist. Or maybe it's a professional cellist that plays for monks. Or maybe there are no monks involved and I have no idea what I'm talking about. I do like the cello, though I'm pretty terrible. Too bad. I think he wants me to play for it (it's his cello that he's lending me, as far as I understand). I hope it's not if you stink, no cello for you. It'll be good to have something familiar to do with all the time I have without resorting to my own language.

Languages are funny. I would like to study how they came to be. Who decided that verbs have to go at the end of the sentences? Who decided the Japanese need three different "alphabets" and a million different forms of every word?
I like learning Japanese a lot. It's fun and new and a little exciting. The best feeling is making myself understood with Japanese. It's especially cool when I can make complete sentences, instead of "Me tired now. Where sleep?". Hah, who would have ever thought it'd be me using caveman speech? I wouldn't have ever guessed it. Japan's doing funny things to me. It's messing up my spelling, for one. And it's making me think with an accent every so often. And words, which have always been my medium, are not mine any more. Sometimes they're there and sometimes they aren't (in either language), and I don't have that precision of words I so love. I can't meander or stroll or skip or anything. Just walk.

I sympathize with foriegners speaking (or not speaking) english in America. We're all just a bunch of two year-olds, aren't we?

Holiday!!

So, while my poor classmates have been spending weeks pouring over books and memorizing every fact presented to them, I have been running around Kyoto, tossing coins into bins and lighting inscence. It is now Test Week and they are all at this very moment racking their minds for answers to their monster Tests. I am goofing around on the internet, playing on my sister's piano, and decorating my trash with spit wads. I am obviously having a much more productive day then they are.

Because I'm not really in any real classes, my teacher told me I should just stay home this week and "study" on my own. So I've been "studying" what Japanese students do when they are home alone with boring trash and an empty piano. It's either that or read and I shouldn't start another book. Not unless it's in Japanese, which I unfortunately don't know. Studying Japanese all day long gets so tedious. In the States, I was such a model student. I did all my homework on time, studied rigorously for every test, hated missing school (well, that changed a little Senior Year), and read everything I could get my hands on. Now, I feel guilty reading in English, and studying gets boring and I have sooo much time. The change is pace is refreshing, but a little daunting.
In two weeks, I will start kendo. That will bring a little normalcy back; it's every day until seven. At home, I was just getting ready for adult class at seven. Or else teaching beginners' class. Now I'll be leaving school at seven. How wierd. Everything is wierd these days.

I'm so glad I'm here, but it seems that every single thing around me is different. I didn't even know that there could BE so many differences. I'm glad I'm not in Europe right now, like I thought I'd be. Or South America. Or West Virginia, for that matter.

I guess I ought to study. Or make more spit wads. Have a splendid day.

Buses and school uniforms

Okay, so it's my first night on the job. I'm fresh from the airport. Tired, but with enough adrenaline and excitement to keep me up for a week. I have been travelling for days (literally - gotta love those time zone transfers) and my clothes are sweaty and gross and, while I want to do is see the world, all I also want to do is sleep. I collapse on a chair and zone out while my host councelor babbles to his daughter. Finally he looks at me.
"Okay, take a bus," he says to me.
"Uhm, now?"
"Yes, now."
"A bus?"
"Yes, a bus."
"To where? By myself?"
"The house. Of course by yourself."
"A bus? To the house?"
"Yes, take a bus." I nearly burst into tears from fatigue. He wants me to take a bus! I'm so tired!
"Uhm, okay. I guess. A bus? To the house?"
"In the house."
"A bus in the house?! THat's awesome!"
"I'd better show you." And he takes me to the bath. A bath. The Japanese have a hard time pronouncing the "th" sound, I now know. Still, every time someone tells me to take a bus, I have to stop and think. Thankfully, I now know the word for "bath" in Japanese.

I got my winter uniform today. It includes a tie. Yeah, a tie. That's amazing. I don't even know how to tie a tie. My host mother was really surprised when I told her that. My uniform makes me look like Harry Potter. Seriously, except I'm like a girl.

I've been reading a lot since I got here. I have so much time and books are written in real english, with no confusion between busses and baths. I've read my first Robert Jordan book, "American Gods" and another book that I can't remember.

Dinner time. Dinner is huge, always. I can never eat as much as she cooks. I might marry Japanese food.

Really good and interesting questions I've been asked:

1.) Why do Americans have middle names?
2.) Why do American schools allow makeup, cell phones, and nail polish?
3.) Do teenagers really babysit little kids? By themselves? Do they need lisences?
4.) Why is West Virginia east? There can't be a West Virginia if there is no East Virginia and it's an eastern state.
5.) How do American mothers have jobs and take care of kids simultaniously?
6.) What is a Fraternity? Hahaha. I love answering that one.

That's all for now.

Week One of School: Complete

The most noteworthy thing about my life these days is how absolutely tired I get. It takes all of my mental energy and some to follow a conversation. And there are two different ways to listen to a conversation. There's the kind where you hear lots and lots of words and you wonder what in the world could possibly be being said and how anyone can possibly understand all that jibberish, and there's the kind where you listen really hard and try to pick out words you know and put a meaning to what you hear. I am guilty of favoring the first kind, as I am so tired that the idea of finding words I know is ridiculous. Who would think just listening to a conversation can wear a person out? And I have so much stamina. Not here I don't.

That's another thing. I feel like I've completely fooled the people here. They think I'm a really great student and really smart. They're super impressed that I knew hiragana and katakana before I came, but everyone does. In fact, at the airport, I knew the least amount of Japanese out of all four of us. They all know everything about me it seems. They totally talk about me to each other (the other day I realized they were discussing me right in front of me!) a lot, and if I tell one teacher something, it's silly of me to be surprised when a completely different teacher brings it up. Everyone knows how long I've been studying Japanese, what words I know and don't know, what I like to do in my spare time, how many siblings I have, whether or not my birds can talk, what time I like to poop, and my best friend's mother's sister-in-law's name. Okay, little exaggeration. But only a little. David, the english teacher from New York, told them he thinks I'm really smart and expects that I should have the langauge down in no time. How in the world did I impress him? No idea, but now all the teachers hold the same opinion. Great. I feel a little silly pretending I'm really that great, but hey, everyone likes. I can't complain.

And they ALWAYS watch me. Everyone. When I walk down the hall, everyone looks at me to see how I'm walking and whether or not I'm carrying my backpack on me and how my hair is up. Holy cow. Not a moment of rest! Teacher's greet me just to see what I will say back, there are always students smiling and waving and being super friendly, but it's just exhausting always saying "Ja" or whatever and smiling and waving back. Why is that so tiring? I don't know, but I definitely feel the pressure of being The Foreigner. It's better than if nobody liked me, but I'm so so so tired. It's a good thing the weekend is finally here, except I'm going out with Rotary tomorrow! It's going to be a long day.

I need a nap. Is it rude to take a nap in the middle of the day? Dunno.

Woooo! I did it!!

Guess what? Yeah, I made it all the way to school without having to retrace my steps or ask anyone for help! And I made it on time! Woo! You have no idea how proud I am of myself. I get lost every single time (except today) in this uber big station - Kyoto Station. And the signs are decieving. You can follow the signs just fine and you think you're doing great, and then, bam! They're gone and you're on your own. The only thing to do is turn around and try another fork and hope more reliable signs will magically appear any time. But I totally have it figured out now and can make it all the way there on time and by myself! Woooo!

In other news, it's been an entire month since my last karate class. That's 31 days. I think I might go insane. And my body is more desperate for karate now than it usually is. I use karate to sort all the crazy stuff out in my mind, and boy could I use that now.

Ohmygosh! Today I had my first calligraphy class. It was freaking amazing! The teacher gave me the name of my school ("Toba") to try and I totally bungled it up. But I'm not ashamed. It was my first try and I had absolutely no idea how to do it. He laughed and took it away. Instead, I pretty much spent the class practicing different kinds of strokes while everyone giggled at me. It was fun. At the end, we all bowed our heads and meditated for like a minute. Calligraphy is supposed to be a meditating activity! How amazing is that?!

Anyways, it's getting late (9:30 - if I was in America, I wouldn't have even gotten home from karate yet, much less started my homework, but here, I'm awefully tired really early) so I should go. It's great to be back online.

I]m here!!!

Hey all! I made it and finally have access to internet. I think I will regularly soon, but for now, I]m borrowing a computer from my teacher until the period is over. Today is my first *real* day of school, though you can see how real it is yourself. I]ve had an english class, a private class with a really nice teacher that wants to help me, another english class, gym, lunch, another private class, and now this, my study period. I do love being me. The Japanese people are incredibly nice and I am so super happy that I]m here. They all go way out of their way to help little old me, and even the students are really nice to me here. They all say *cute* whenever I pass and some of them asked me if they could touch my cheek or my hair. (??) Uhm, okay, I suppose. But they are nice. They like to speak english with me and enjoy hearing me pronounce things in Japanese. Oh yeah, I met some really great kids like myself from all over the world staying in Japan.

Anyways, I think the bell will ring soon (the bell is amazing, sounds like a catholic church almost) so I should go. Maybe I]ll be able to tell you more later. See you guys and wish me luck getting myself home!

Congrats to me

I've done pretty well for myself. All this time and I thought I screwed high school up, but really, I did just what I was supposed to. I made really great friends that I'll never forget. I didn't even realize that until I watched them all tonight in class and thought about what it would be like without me. It made me a little sad to think that life will go on very easily for them - and for me. But I don't think very many of us will ever be the same after this. These past six years has dented all of us - Scott and me and Tara and David and the Sensei's and the Hunts. I've learned so much from them, the least of it being martial arts. They taught me about loving myself and about how to be a friend and how to keep going when you really can't and even things like what to do when someone eight times your size is really mad at you. That lesson took a couple of learnings. It feels really great to know that I'll have what they gave me for a long time. Forever really. I think all this stuff they've equipped me with will follow me everywhere.

In other news, I just heard from my host club councelor (who has been absolutely amazing these past few months) in Japan that he will be picking me up and that his daughter will be "guiding" me the first couple of days. Then he will take me to Mt. Hiei in the outskirts of Kyoto and when I get back, I will stay with the Watada's, my host first host family. How cool is that? I feel incredibly lucky that so many people are going out of their way so that I'll have a really great year. I really haven't done anything for them, nothing to deserve all this anyways. I hope his daughter isn't TOO good at english, though considering how awesome his english is, I'm not getting my hopes up. I would like to learn Japanese as fast as possible. I will work really really hard to learn it, that's for sure.

So, I've seen the last of pretty much everyone. That's great because it means I'm pretty much on my way. That's not so great because I kind of like all those guys. I'll kind of miss them.

Yep, leaving the day after tomorrow. What do I have left to do? Uhm, what don't I have left to do is a better question. My room isn't packed yet! I keep packing but nothing is disappearing! It's like I'm running in place! How did I ever get so much stuff? Not quite sure. It seems that I've saved everything since I was five years old. Old McDonald's toys and birthday cards from ten years ago keep popping up. And what's the difference between "sentimental" and "junk"? And what in the world will I do with the "sentimental"? Keep them in boxes until I decide that they're really junk? Oh boy. What a mess.

My plane to Japan is huge. I'm talking enormous. It has two stories and ten seats in each row. I've never flown over the ocean before! Or in such a big plane! I love flying a lot, but I've never been in a plane for more than nine hours. Maybe I'll hate flying in three days (THREE!!!!!), but I can't imagine that happening. What will I do with myself for that long? Read of course and write probably and Mom says I should make sure I walk around so I don't get clots and die or something. I wish they had a dojo in the back of the plane and I could just work out for fifteen hours. That'd be awesome.

I hope I can bring deoderant on the plane.

Oh dear

Yeah, I'm really close. Really really close. I've gotten some big news since I last posted. My itinerary came in and they "officially" changed my departure date to the 16th instead of the 17th. And by the next day, the had "officially" changed it back to the 17th. So, I am now "officially" leaving in six official days.

Good good good! I want to go! I'm excited about going. Before, I couldn't even picture myself on the plane, but now, I can see myself all the way up to meeting my family (and my councelor and my president and my some other dude). That's good too, but it's a little scary. In my mind, it's completely akward. I don't know how to ask someone's age, but I have no idea how old my little sister is. I CAN say "I'm eighteen, and you?" THat'll have to suffice.

So the travel agency just sent us a bill for about $3,000, and I'm testing for my black belt which is another $100 and I just ruined three of the rims on our car, which is like, $1000 or something. Yeah, don't ask. The closer we get to departure date, the more selfish I feel. Not only am I leaving, but I'm taking my parent's money every step of the way. And then I'm going way out of state for college. Maybe that's a dumb move. I CAN'T go to college here. I know that for sure. But maybe Wooster or Shepherd or West Virginia Wesleyan aren't so bad. Maybe I'm doing something bad. I really want to go to Whitman College, but not so badly that I'm willing to give up climbing Mt. Fuji. But a few things. I'm going to get scholarships. I will. I will work really hard and get whatever money I can. I'm smart and going to be a black belt (cross your fingers on that one) and I'll have the Japan experience and I play the cello. I'm pretty well-rounded and have a lot of experience in a lot of things. I'll have a job when I get back too and that'll help. I didn't get one this summer because I'm only going to be in town for a short bit of time.

Okay, so how many books to bring? Seven? Five? I'm thinking four in my suitcase and one on my carry on. But if the pages are wet or something, they won't let me on. Haha, next they'll ban sweat. They'll force everyone to wear extra stregth men's deoderant before they let you on the plane and if you refuse, you'll be thrown in prison. Haha!

No time to lose

Oh man, I'm feeling the stress. I'm not super nervous, but I'm having first rate mood swings. Yeah, I hope I'm done with that before I go. I can just see it now: "Hello, we're your family." "AHH! You're stupid! I hate stupid people! I hate you! The plane ride was terrible and this airport is stupid!" I say stupid a lot when I'm angry. Hey, there are worse words than "stupid" to fall back on.

Okay, happy place. I'm not upset now, but I don't know how long that will last. The closer I get (13 days, for those of you not religiously keeping track), the wierder it seems. Yeah right, like I'm really going to live in a country where I don't know anyone and can't speak the language. I don't even think such a country exists! It's all a joke. Haha, don't worry, we have college all lined up for you after all. The funny thing (well, one of the funny things) is that if I was preparing myself for college right now instead of Japan, I'm sure I would have a lot of the same feelings. Wow! A whole other place away from my parents (still love ya, Mom) on the other side of the country! Cool! But now it's just like, whatever, college. Oh, you're going to college? Doesn't that sound like fun?

My passport and my visa still have yet to arrive, but more significantly in my mind, my itinerary is still out there, floating through stacks and stacks of mail. It might be 14 days. It might be 17 days. Oh no, I might die if I have to wait 17 whole days! (Hows that for drama?) The stupid mail never comes early enough. Later and later every day. Infuriating!

So 13 days (really 12 seeing as I'm writing this past midnight). How am I spending my last few days in the states? I'm swimming every night, hugging the kids every day, cramming a lot of karate in before my black belt test in just five days, trying to impart whatever wisdom I've picked up these past few years to Jeff, and of course, packing my room for the next kid and trying to decide which of my cherished books gets a free ride to Japan in my suitcase. On that note, I don't have time to be writing this!

Getting closer...

I'm going soon! Still no word from anyone, but I don't care. Not true, I totally care and I wish they would communicate with me, but that's okay. I'll be patient. I want to pack! Now! I hate staring at my empty luggage, just waiting to pack everything. Soon.

32 Days!!!

I can see departure day! It's so close! My host family is not emailing me or writing me letters. It is frustrating to be so excited and not to have them communicate with me. I check the mail every day first thing (well, my morning which means at about noon) and frustratingly throw the mail down and run down to my room to check my email as part of my morning routine. I'm going to be super dissapointed if Asuko sends Jennika a letter and nothing comes for me. Some sister I am, eh? But really, I just want to hear SOMETHING from them. Maybe I'll resend an email they sent to me a long time ago or something. Haha, I'm sure that would fuel my excitment. Not.

Martial arts test right before I go, so I can be good and sore on the way over. Actually, I have to wear my black belt for three days after I get it, so I hope I get it at least four days before I leave! If I leave on the seventeenth, the third day will be while I'm on the plane, but if I leave on the twentieth, I should be fine. Haha, I'm still hoping for the seventeenth. I wanna go!!!!

Konnichiwa

Okay, so I just got back from the Otterbien orientation. That was fun, though not really anything super special. The best part was that everyone I met was going on an exchange. It was so exciting to be in a room full of kids just about to go all over the world. The energy was everywhere, zooming around the air. Ice breakers weren't the normal things like "So, what grade are you in? What school do you plan to go to?" They were "What country you headed to? What's your host family like? How long until you go?" And then, we actually got excited for each other. Excitment is so contageous, it was crazy being there. We all were already teeming with eagerness, but now we're about to bust.

We had a talent show, where everyone had to do something. I think that was a good idea just because we all had so much energy it was good to let it out productively - well, or something akin to productively. "Standing Akwardly" and an "Interpretave Haiku" were just some of the last minute acts put together, but it was probably the most amazing talent show ever.

Okay, so I'm going to Japan in 38 days. I am not anyone remarkable unless you're my parents. Academically, I'm no one special. Always short of what I need to get that scholarship or get any sort of recognition. I'm not super social, but I can't pass as a geek either. Despite my AP classes, scholarships, amazing college (!!), and my upcoming black belt, I got no recognition on Senior Awards Day. I've never stood out to anyone as someone great. I'm good. Fine. Slightly above average. Sam told me quite seriously that I'm a second rate person. I almost feel like this is my chance or at the very least my recognition. This is MY exchange, MY year. How I do will determine what people think of ME. I will be living with a family and going to school, not anyone else (well, kinda not anyone else...), and I will be an ambassador for the United States. Little old me. Sweet. Bring on the world.

This must be the peak of my life. Is that a shallow thing to say? I have so much going for me right now, so much room to grow (and goof up), so much future staring at me. I'm overflowing with love for everyone - me, my wonderful family, this faraway place called Japan, my karate group, even sometimes my friends. Everything I do or see reminds me of next year. How funny, I'm going to Japan. I'm not the type that goes to Japan. I wonder if anyone really is "the type" or if we're all just regular people that somehow found this crazy opportunity. I guess I'll find out soon. 51 days and it still hasn't sunk in yet. I can't really imagine it as a real place. In my head, Japan is a mystical place where everyone speaks this fun language (and that's really all I think of the language, not as a real communication tool, but as something fun) and their eyes get all big like in the anime cartoons. And they all live in temples and pray to spirits. Haha, culture shock here we come! (I'm looking forward to culture shock even!)

I'm not going to college next year. Not really going to high school. I'm not going to have a job. I'm not going to be responsible for a class full of five year-olds. I'm going to Japan, where I'll not stress about school work, where I'll instantly be the center of attention, where I'll learn no matter what I do. Holy cow.

Countdown

Aah!!! 55 days! I am so incredibly excited! I don't know how I'm possibly going to be able to wait a whole 55 days. Haha, I remember having this conversation with myself when I was like nine waiting for Christmas. Yes, this almost tops Christmas. Woo!

I had a sudden host family change for a reason unknown to me, but I'm not worried about that. My new family looks marvelous and the little girl will try to be Jennika's penpal, though neither of them can speak each other's language. This should be a blast!

My Confession

Okay, time for a healthy dose of good ol' honesty. I'm running. It's a secret, even from myself sometimes, but it's true. I'm so sick of everything, of my family and of the people I've been around these past four years and of everything. Everything I read said running is a terrible idea and not an acceptable reason to go on an exchange, but here I am, leaving because I can't stand it here anymore. I love everyone still and I know going to Japan is a little extreme, but I'm so happy. I love learning about this place, love imagining myself actually there, really living normally. The language is exciting and refreshing and there's so much knowledge to aquire in such a small amount of time. It's like Heather Haven.

Erm, now what?

So I have my family. And they wrote me and everything is just fine. But what in the world do I write them back? I've already introduced myself and my family. Blah blah blah, 17 years old, do martial arts, have a large family, play the cello, blah blah blah. I'm afraid that anything I'm going to write will be breaking some kind of social norm I'm unaware of. Hah, haven't I been taught better than that? Throw yourself into something with all you've got. Go all the way. Don't timidly write a half letter out of fear of doing something wrong. Do everything I can, follow the rules I know, and let them correct me. No problem. So now what? I think I'll ask them questions and tell a little more about myself. I think they were a little overwhelmed though with my last letter. I asked a lot of questions that Hasegawa-san didn't address, so I wonder how much he didn't understand. Probably his daughters have been taking English for years and understood my letter fine though. I'm so anxious! I just want to go!

Oh yeah, and I'm a chopstick failure. So that's why exchange students loose weight - they don't know how to eat! Here we go, eh?

Guess what guess what?? I have a family! I will be living with Akira Hasegawa, who is my host dad, my host mom, a sixteen year-old host sister, a nineteen year-old host sister, and a host grandmother. Woohoo! They look jolly and cute and I'm excited. The Otterbein orientation is coming up soon, where I'm sure I'll be told the same things I've been told at the last three orientations. I hear this one is supposed to be fun though, so I'll hold out for it. Besides, I will be meeting my country contact and all the outbounds from my district going to Japan. Woopdeedoo. I hope the inbounds will be there too, but I think they might have left for home by then. We'll see.